Pain and Concentration, Part I

It has been four days since I've sat down here to write a proper post. I will say that, sadly enough, nothing at all has happened in that span of time.

Yes, life here outside of Flat City has been slow. Very slow. And I've not been feeling well lately. It's partially mental and partially physical, I'll admit. The physical part is that my back pain has reared its ugly head again, worse than it's been in a long, long time. I've been taking super-high-strength generic Walmart Tylenol for it, but all that does on any given day is just make the aching go down to a dull roar. It was only then I noticed that the pain was a little different than it normally is.

This time, it seems to be centered in the area of my back where both of my kidneys are. Hm.

I'm not peeing blood and my urine seems to be normal, and I'm not in any nausea or real horrifying pain (like the girlfriend was) but I do feel rather nasty and it hurts. So, I think there's a possibility I have a kidney infection. Or something along those lines. Not that I can do anything about it, or even see a doctor for it if it gets worse, because I have no money. I'm trying to drink more fluids than normal, but honestly drinking more than I do already makes me feel nauseated in itself.

The girlfriend, in classic female overreactive fashion, said that if it gets worse I need to tell her and she'll rush me to the hospital because I'll go into renal failure and omgomgomg etc.

Christ, I wish I'd never even brought it up. Shouldn't have even said anything at all.

It doesn't matter how sick I get (although really, I'm fine), because -- as I said before -- I still don't have the money to pay a doctor. I've been in contact with the payroll lady from the newspaper, as it's been a week and a half since I sent off my paperwork to the publisher, and I have neither heard from them nor seen any direct deposit enter my bank account. The payroll lady told me that it takes up to two weeks to do all the processing and the like, but she'd be sure to double-check and make sure the publisher got my information.

So, it could be close to another week before I get any money at all to my name, basically. This is really troubling and frustrating to me. I have (virtually) no money right now. I have just enough in my bank account right now to keep it from being automatically closed by the bank, let's put it that way. I have enough coffee to last me maybe one or two more days. I've been out of cigarettes since at least Friday, if not before. Our cupboards and fridge are becoming more depleted by the day. I haven't had any food in the house that I actually want to eat in well over a week -- I've been surviving on stuff out of the cupboard and trying to be creative by cooking things that I don't even want in different, mildly exotic ways. It doesn't work. Shit looks grim right now, people. The bills are paid, but nothing else is taken care of.

As a result, for the past several days I've been rather morose and irritable. Everything pisses me off, makes me depressed, or makes me upset -- including the girlfriend. I can't concentrate and find it increasingly difficult to even become motivated to do the simplest tasks, such as cleaning out the cat box, folding the laundry, or showering. Add my back pain and my possible kidney infection to this and I am simply miserable. I just haven't had the patience to sit here and write. I haven't had patience for anything, really.

Relations with the girlfriend have become strained. Most of the time, even when she's home, I've sequestered myself in the Man Cave due to my frustration and irritability with my situation in life right now. I've found that if I don't keep to myself most of the time, I end up snapping and/or yelling at her, most of the time over stupid shit. And, due to the fact that she's stubborn and bull-headed about most things, she ends up fighting back and we get into an argument.

I've found that it's just much easier to stay in my room most of the time and quietly read things online or listen to my podcasts, and leave her alone. However, I'll be the first to admit that at times I'm rather stupid, and I will occasionally emerge from my room....aaaaaaaaaand the cycle starts all over again. It's not my fault she gets lonely when I appear to be invisible.

As for substitute teaching, I haven't yet received any calls to sub. Perhaps they haven't had a dire need for subs this week. I've completed all of my tax paperwork for them and the like, and I'll be dropping it off either tomorrow or Thursday, depending on not only my schedule, but the girlfriend's as well.

I haven't heard anything else from my editor at the paper. I emailed her with a few updates today. Tomorrow I'm going to do my best to complete an article I've had on the back burner for a while so that I can get paid for it as well this month, and tomorrow evening is the Linux club meeting at the library -- where, maybe if I'm lucky -- I'll get to wrap up the interview with the oh-so-inaccessible club leader so I can write that article. I also told my editor that with the back-burner article, I will have completed her most recent bundle of freelance work, and she can send along more whenever she wants. As far as I know, the US Citizenship feature is still scheduled to run in Saturday's edition, meaning once it does, I can send off my invoices to the publisher and get paid for those as well.

Still no word, however, on the full-time position I've applied for there.

So, as you can see, I've got a lot going on right now as well as a whole lot of nothing. I've just not been feeling myself; otherwise I'd be writing more. I will write more soon, once something else happens.