Progression, Part IV

 

The first story is done. It's still rough, I won't lie. But it's done. It's likely as done as it will ever really be, save for a few small edits here and there.

I am...not exactly proud of it, really. I likely should be, but I'm not. 

People always say that our harshest critics are ourselves, though. I don't know about that. I'm for sure not the best writer I know. I'm likely not even in the top ten. I'm just me. My process and style is so different than most others that I'm not even sure I actually have a style.

The writing world is full of self-doubt.

The creative process is a strange one. While writing and editing this story (a process that took the better part of two months, overall), I came up with four other premises for four other, completely separate pieces. The five stories, together, will comprise the entire collection. 

I've gotten a lot of good feedback from people -- nobody who's actually read my stuff, mind you, because nobody has yet -- telling me that they're glad I'm writing again. 

Uh. 

I never really stopped writing. They act like I gave it up.

I stopped writing poetry, yes, because I..well, I don't like poetry.

Never mind that my MFA is in poetry. My MFA is in poetry because it was easy and allowed me to say I have a Master's degree. Those are, quite literally, the only reasons.

Progression, Part III

I've had to change the title of the collection to something similar, but different enough to where I won't get sued -- apparently someone has a song with the same title. Everything else has remained the same.

Truth be told, this past week has been a train wreck of emotions and very little downtime. A mass outage at my workplace led me to dive in and burn through most of my Saturday -- morning, evening, and half of the overnight -- pitching in to help deal with the crisis in any way I could. Truth be told, I didn't get a weekend. Neither did many of my colleagues. 

Because of all the time spent, I get a "comp" day to make up for it. I chose this coming Thursday. My executive director also offered to buy me dinner or something to that effect, but I don't need that. I'm happy enough that I'll get an extra day off later in the week for my efforts. 

The outage is still going on, by the way. We've been assured it will be fixed by this evening. All we were able to do was stop the proverbial bleeding a bit. 

The writing process is a tough one. Some nights, words flow like melted butter. Others, no matter how much I want to write, I can't get the sentences to form properly and I become frustrated. 

Fatigue factors greatly into all of this. I've not had real decent sleep since Wednesday or so. Today is Sunday.

The collection has a core of four stories thus far. Two are partially written. A third is simply an idea at this juncture that I don't know how I will execute, but I know I want it to be the closing piece. The fourth is the title piece, which I've got a rough plan for, but will likely need major revision before it hits the page. I've decided to add an inspirations/dedications section at the end to help explain some things, but don't yet know how I'll execute that, either -- or if I'll leave it in or not. 

Everything is a work in progress until it's completed. Given enough time and energy to work on it, I expect the story referenced in the photo above to be done in another week, save for any final editing. And then it's moving on to start/finish the others. I'm hoping to have everything done and "locked" so to speak by the holidays. It's all about being mission-focused.

Daisy tells me she wants me to write the screenplay she read the synopsis of earlier this year, and I had to tell her that until this book is finished, that's a far back-burner project. I will get to it eventually, but right now it is not a priority. It is a perfect story for the screen, but stories for the screen need to be sold, and right now I'm not at the level where I can sell anything. I won't be for a few years yet, likely. 

Progression, Part II

 

I feel like a lot of it is slow-going.

Some days I'll write a few pages. Other days I'll write a paragraph or two.

Then I'll go a week or more without writing anything.

I'll go back in, remove an entire section or heavily edit it, and do nothing else.

Then I'll wait a week and write another page or two. 

My original draft of this story was 21 pages. It was okay, but not great or even good.

This story isn't even the tentpole piece of the collection; that story is yet to be written, though it is plotted out. 

Yes, it is a short story collection. While I have a few other ideas I could expand into novels, I truthfully need to get my confidence levels up first, and put my writing out into the world first. What I've learned in taking the time to write again -- truly write -- is that not every story, not every idea, is expansive enough to be a novel. They're just not. A singular concept, an event, a process, is much better as a short story.

The above piece will likely be the longest in the collection. I expect to have about 7-10 stories total within it.

I don't expect accolades or congratulations. I don't expect a publisher to go wild over my work or to sponsor a book tour or anything like that. I don't expect an advance that would be worth me quitting my job over, or allowing me to do anything but not worry about bills as much for a few months. I don't have an agent. I don't have a cover design. I would like the wife to paint the cover design.  I do have a title for the collection, which I think is very fitting for not only myself, but for the collection itself and its overall themes.

Yes, there are overall themes. 

No, the stories are not interconnected.

Everything is a process. Sometimes it's not pleasant. Sometimes you have to go to a very dark place for your art.

Last week, while working on the third story in this collection, I read aloud to Daisy a short excerpt of that piece that disturbed her so much that she said she did not want to read the final story when it was finished. 

My wife of eight years, who I've been with for almost ten, was so disturbed by something I'd written that she said right then and there, based on a paragraph I read aloud to her, that she did not want to read it when it was finished. My wife who has read everything I've written over these past ten years. My wife who knows everything about me, every experience, every secret. 

Last night, while working on the story in the above photo, I wrote a dream sequence so terrifying that I didn't think I'd be able to really sleep well afterwards. It was only about four paragraphs, but the imagery I created on the page is so burned into my mind that even now it's unsettling.

I don't know where this comes from, but when I'm writing it just flows out of me. I've not felt this creative in years. I've not felt this connected to any project in years. I don't have a muse, and I'm not really releasing my stress in writing. But, things just come out of me, and sometimes they're really disturbing, frightening things. I don't do it on purpose -- it's just what hits the page.

Four stories are in progress. The other stories are in their planning stages or idea stages. Three of those four I should have finished and ready for the final collection within another month or so, barring any unforeseen setbacks. The others will take longer. 

Progression

 

It's going.

This is one story of several I'm currently working on. 

My first short story collection should be complete by fall 2022.

I have not yet completely settled on a title. Or a publisher. Or even the order I'll place the stories in within the collection itself.

I have help. I have connections who can get me contacts -- contacts who can help me fulfill my goals. 

Heavy editing and additions are required. A lot of the writing is very much work-in-progress.

It's not perfect. Nothing ever is. 

Luckily, I have a few peers and friends I can trust to read through my drafts and give me constructive criticism and feedback, which in this case I am very open to. 

More to come.