The End of February

 There has been a grand settling over the course of the past few weeks. By "settling," I mean that a lot of the stuff that had put us into crisis mode since the beginning of the year has either been resolved at this juncture or has ceased being an issue any longer. I covered a lot of this in my last entry here.

That doesn't mean everything has been sunshine and roses, of course -- but I am, in general, under considerably less stress and mental anguish than I was from about, oh, shortly after Christmas to now. My mental health, as well as everything going on in my life, ebbs and flows in weird ways it seems.

There has been a lot going on, even if most of the unsettling things have settled. 

For one, I had to get another work computer this past week -- the new one they'd shipped me in January blew out its HDD, or a RAM module, or something else equally important (I never got consensus on what it was) and it would continually bluescreen on me about once every 20-40 minutes -- especially if and when I was doing something important. After a night and a half of this, I was fed up and came upstairs to work from my personal home computer (read: this one), where I can still do approximately 90% of my job, and spent the remainder of the work week up here while our IT teams shipped out the replacement PC. It arrived, I set it up, and all is back to normal. The old one was yeeted back to the company yesterday via the UPS store, thanks to the very convenient equipment return protocols my company has with them. It used to take weeks to get a new computer -- sometimes up to two weeks. I had mine in less than 36 hours.

Thankfully, they gave me another Dell, as the previous machines that I'd been given have been both Dells and HPs. The HPs have all catastrophically failed (this last one was a HP) and the Dells have worked wonderfully, amazingly well. It should be no surprise to you that my home PC is a beefier, larger and more powerful version of the Dells we use for work -- and I purchased it on purpose because of that. 

My current home PC, however, is getting old. It's running wonderfully, but it's only one hardware failure away from being scrapped, as it is at least 5-6 years old at this point and I bought it refurbished -- I've been using it for over two years, maybe three, I can't remember. It's too old and underpowered to run Windows 11 (not that I like Windows 11 anyhow), though it is admittedly perfect for my current needs and likely will remain perfect for them for some time, as long as it keeps running. It will be a sad day for me when it dies, unless I upgrade to a faster system beforehand and keep it as a backup. I have loved this computer likely more than any other computer I have ever owned, and I believe I paid less for it than any other computer I've owned as well -- save for my old Chromebook and my current, rarely-used laptop (which is, currently, my "emergency" backup machine). 

It was eighty degrees in Omaha yesterday (February 26). This shattered every record ever for a high temperature in Omaha in February. Right now it is 24 degrees, with high winds, and we're supposed to get an inch of snow tonight.

Nebraska.

I will say, however, that I've been sick over the course of the past several days. Not sick-sick, mind you, but I think the higher dosage of the Trulicity the doctors put me on is giving me some, ahem, undesirable side effects. I can no longer trust a fart -- I might shit my pants. I've been running to the bathroom close to ten times a day. I have a lot of queasiness and nausea that will be intense for several hours and then vanish, only to return later. 

It is what it is, I guess. I do not want to go off Trulicity or go back to the lower dose. After several months of the last dosage, my bloodwork a few weeks ago showed the A1C at 6.2, which is the lowest I have ever had it recorded and is technically in the pre-diabetic range, not full on diabetes range. My fasting glucose is also lower than it has ever been on record, too. That dosage of Trulicity has now been doubled in an effort to help get my weight down more and to get the A1C hopefully down into the fives. Once that happens perhaps my body will be able to regulate itself much better. The side effect is that in the interim, until my body gets used to the higher dose (if and when it does) I might possibly shit my pants at any time.

You know that meme on the internet that's like "if you ever want to be sent home from work, just shit your pants"? Yeah, well, when you work from home, that doesn't work. You're already home. It's like how Covid ruined the concept of "snow days" for school kids, because anytime the weather is too bad for them to go to school, school doesn't get cancelled anymore and it becomes a "remote learning day" for them since they all have computers. 

What a stupid time to be alive. 

But, getting back to my point, whether I shit my pants or not, I don't get to leave work, because I work from home.

Anyway.

Pete seems to have calmed down in his anxiety quite a bit overall. And by overall I mean "in the grand scheme of everything." He's not peed on anything in some time, and the melatonin seems to be helping him greatly. His anxiety is still there, particularly separation anxiety -- he wants to be with me, or Daisy, at all times. Or, at the very least, he has to know where we are and be comfortable with that. He hates it when Daisy works in the office and not at home because, well, she's not here. He hates it when he knows I'm in my office upstairs and can't get in. He is greatly calmed when we give him all the love in the world, hold him, let him sleep with us (and on us) and reassure him that everything's okay.

But I will tell you that I have seen nothing calm him, quickly, as much as Empress does.

That little girl, I swear.

I mentioned before that Emmy has bonded with all of the cats now, and while her most, ahem, passionate relationship is with Hank, she also loves being with Pete and Sadie so much. When she finds Pete, she will lay with him (or on top of him, as she is in the above photo) and will be so happy. And Pete immediately gets very calm, very content and relaxed. Her presence and physical touch absolutely soothes him. He will quickly pass out if she flops down with him and cuddles in tight, and he won't move. He adores that little girl, though he's not as physical or aggressive about it as Hank is. 

Sadie has very much warmed up to the raccoon child as well. Sadie never had any sort of real relationship with Hank -- except when he'd chase her and pin her down and try to hump her (yeah, that was a thing for a while) and he was never cuddly with her like he was with Pete. However, Empress has made a point of it to spend time with Sadie, to be close to her and with her, to cuddle her and lick her and sleep with her. Sadie was at first apprehensive about this (understandably so) but now seems to be very receptive to it. Last night on my lunch hour, Empress came up to flop between Pete and Sadie on the couch, and made it a point to lick all over Sadie's face and ears while she was half asleep. Sadie purred the entire time, and then all of them slept together in a pile for hours. 

Sadie was sleeping in one of the cat beds yesterday, and Emmy saw this and cuddled up with her in the same cat bed like she does with Hank. Sadie seemed to love this.

Daisy and I have made the decision that when Sadie or Pete go, whichever -- we will immediately be getting another kitten. Losing Pete would be devastating for all of the cats, and losing Sadie would make Pete and Empress inconsolable. If we thought Pete took Maggie's passing badly, what with all of the anxiety, I can't imagine what losing Sadie will/would do to him too. Empress, for as much of a little goblin as she can be, has brought so much peace and stability back to Pete and Sadie after Maggie left us. We'd need another kitten to join the family to bring that stability and peace again when one of the other old farts passes, regardless of which one. 

Thankfully, for as old as they are, Pete and Sadie seem pretty stable and healthy at the moment. 

Empress is still developing her personality. Daisy says she is my cat, that she has a much closer relationship with me than she does with her, and while I'm not sure that's completely true, the little miss does tend to spend far more time with me in my presence, whether it's curled up with me on the couch or bed or just in the room with me. Hank is, of course, still her #1 biggest love:

Exhibit A, your honor. Picture taken last night.

She no longer tries to get away when she's being held most of the time (and sometimes really loves it), she will most of the time now accept attention, pets, and rubs on your terms (not just hers), and she will come running when she hears you moving around or exiting/entering a room. I don't know what type of personality she's going to have yet, but she's a lot like Sadie in a lot of ways. She is a little licker -- meaning I'll put my hand out to her and to show her love, she will wrap her paws around it and lick my hand/fingers incessantly -- she doesn't do that with Daisy. She likes ear rubs and butt rubs. She's still a little skittish but seems to be getting more comfortable by the day. And, remarkably, sometimes she has far more energy than even Hank does. 

I don't yet know how big she's going to get -- she's grown considerably since we got her (two months ago this week) but she isn't growing as quickly as Hank did, and she still remains very tiny in comparison to not only him, but the other cats as well. She may end up being a much smaller cat overall. She's not fat and really has no body fat whatsoever -- she is long and fluffy from the neck down with a small head -- I don't know what to make of that yet. I guess we'll see what her genetics say when we get the DNA reports back in a few weeks. She has one of the longest bodies, longest tails, and longest legs I've ever seen in a cat -- such strange proportions on my little girl. That's part of why I'm so curious to see what her genetics say about her. 

Anyway.

I am happy to report that Daisy is at almost 100% again. Do we know what was wrong with her? No. Not at all. We have some suspicions that it was long Covid symptoms or an autonomic disorder known as POTS, but we never really got confirmation on that. She simply slowly got better over the course of a month or two, and is now basically normal again. She says she's still not all the way there -- and maybe she isn't -- but I can tell you personally that she is far better than she was in January, and far better than she was at the beginning of this month.

March has a lot of things coming up for us, so let's get to it....

Good Things: February 2024 Edition

 As I mentioned in my last entry here, there are some good things happening right now. If I don't take the time to acknowledge them, I never will before some other crisis pops up, as that seems to be what the vast majority of 2024 has been to this point -- crisis after crisis.

• Daisy is feeling somewhat better. It's not yet a recovery and not enough for me to even say she's "on the mend," but she has been somewhat normal for the majority of the past few days. Part of that is likely because she's not under a ton of stress on the weekends (most of the time) and part of that could be because whatever has been making her sick is near the end of running its course (unlikely, but I remain optimistic). I legitimately keep hoping that she's going to wake up one day and magically be all better -- like nothing ever happened -- but I don't think that's going to happen. When she's bad off, she's really bad off for some time -- several hours at a time, usually. But, this week she returned to working in the office as per the usual and she has not had any episodes, so I remain cautiously optimistic.
  
  
• I have found a new vape supplier that I can get near-endless amounts of disposables, juices, and supplies from -- and who will ship those things to my house within three or four days. It comes at a price, though, and shipping for those orders isn't cheap. However, I now likely have enough supplies to last me for close to a year -- if not more -- and likely won't need to get anything new for a very long time.
  
  
• We have an outlandish amount of food and other household supplies in the house; since she's been sick, Daisy has done a few deliveries from Whole Foods (and one shopping trip there as well), and I've done a few deliveries here or there from Walmart or the local grocery stores -- not to mention the normal supplies I/we get off Amazon. We're likely good on most things for the foreseeable future, and if we need something we'll just order it. 
  
  
• The melatonin hasn't killed Pete. It seems to be helping him a lot, actually, when it comes to his overall anxiety. I truly hope it continues to help him, as not only do I not want him to feel bad, but I also don't want to keep washing blankets and the occasional couch cushion or wall because he feels the need to pee on them. He's currently passed out on my ottoman here in my office -- one of his favorite places to be -- as I write this.
  
  
• I shaved off my beard last week. I did so in anticipation of also cutting my hair sometime within the next month or so (once Daisy feels sufficiently better, that is). It helps that the temperatures have been much nicer as of late -- it's been in the 40s-50s most days, and one day earlier this week it hit 60. This is wildly unexpected, but definitely appreciated, for early February. Do I think we're "out of the woods" yet for cold and snow here in Omaha? Certainly not. But I am enjoying the weather we have while we have it, and I do hope we've been through the worst of winter already. I certainly don't want any more of it.
  
  
• KMFDM released a new album last week. I preordered it back in December and it arrived in the mail earlier this week. I could stream it if I wanted to, since I already "own" it, but I am old-school and like what I call "the full CD experience" -- reading the liner notes, listening track by track, and doing what I can to deeply enjoy a new record from a band I've been listening to and following since I was in middle school.
  
  
• Along those lines I also have four new KMFDM shirts arriving in the mail...eventually. Their shipping generally takes forever. They'll be a somewhat forgotten surprise by the time they arrive, likely.
  
  
• Daisy's Valentine's Day present arrived in the mail this week -- yes, that's Empress:
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• The new washing machine is working great -- I have done countless loads in it over the past two weeks, both large and small, heavy-duty and light/quick wash settings, and it has performed quite admirably. I have zero real complaints about it at this juncture, with the only exception being that when it's washing big loads of heavy blankets, it will occasionally get off-balance and throws the error code for it, and it has to be reset/a spin cycle ran. But that's a minor quibble.
  
  
• Because it does not feel right to have a custom Hawaiian shirt with Hank on it and not do one for Empress as well, behold:
  
  
  
  

                        It will arrive today, per tracking.

• Taxes are done, filed, and refund already hit our bank account.
  
  
• Empress has absolutely fully bonded with the Golden Oldies™ and they acknowledge her and let her cuddle with them. Hank wouldn't get that treatment even if he really tried.
  
  
• I'm feeling far better than I did before, which I chalk up to getting some good-quality sleep a few times in a row (imagine that, right?). 
  
  
• Similarly, I am in a much better mental state than I was 2-3 weeks ago. When everything is going wrong -- extreme cold, a cat dying, Daisy sick, washing machine killing itself, car blowing up -- my mental health takes a sharp dive. When that stuff resolves itself or otherwise goes away, I feel much better. Who would've guessed? I'm far from completely normal again but I'm in a much better place at the moment.
  
  
• Yesterday was payday. As of this morning, all of my bills are paid for the month.
  
  
• Our "refund check" for the washing machine arrived in the mail from the Home Warranty people (it's because we have full coverage; the check essentially paid for the new washer). We'll deposit it as soon as we can. 
  
  
• Emmy and Sadie have both been to the vet and have been fully vaccinated. Both appear to be in great health. Sadie's bloodwork told us that she has hyperthyroidism (which we suspected) and she now takes a pill for it every evening -- she hates it. Otherwise, she's old but has no other currently evident health issues. While the thyroid stuff may mask some decreased function in the kidneys, her bloodwork markers weren't really showing that too much. Both girls, young and old, did amazingly well at the vet -- Sadie didn't fight us or the doctors and she was a wonderfully sweet and patient old lady, so said the vet and his techs. Emmy was normal Emmy -- no more or less excited than usual, just herself. There was even very minimal wailing in the car while they were in the carriers.
  
  
• Since she returned from the vet and got on the medication for her thyroid, Sadie has been super lovey and cuddly, and dare I say, more active than she has been in a while. She is acting like a younger cat again, and it makes me so happy to see my old lady so rejuvenated.
  
  
• Daisy successfully disputed the overcharge from the rental car when her car blew up last month, and the refund is getting returned to her.
  
  
• My blood draw has successfully been rescheduled, finally, for Tuesday morning. However, as my Trulicity has been out of stock on Amazon almost since Christmas, we got them to call in a prescription of it to the doctors' office pharmacy and should be picking that up today (I have one dose left -- that I will inject myself with tomorrow, so if I don't get it, I can pick it up at my appointment on Tuesday). They also upped the dosage for the new prescription, which I'm fine with. Miracle drug, do your thing. 
  
  
• Tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I took the night off work. It's a win-win for me -- even if the Chiefs lose, I still don't have to go to work. If they win, I don't have to go to work and I get to purchase the newest Super Bowl Champions shift from the NFL web store shortly after the game, to go along with my previous two from 2019 and 2023. 

There's been a lot of little things going on since February started. For one, as I mentioned above, a lot of the bad stuff has calmed down/died down a lot. What hasn't is slowly being dealt with on a case by case basis. For example, our bathroom sink started leaking/dripping fairly heavily. I think I mentioned this before, but I can't exactly remember. We opened a ticket for it with the Home Warranty people and they dispatched a plumber -- who took one look at it and was like "yeah, I'm just gonna replace this." He did, in fifteen minutes, and we now have a brand new faucet in the bathroom. He was in and out so fast that he did it one morning after work before I went to bed. Little things like that going wrong, when there's already been so much, have a big impact on my overall mental health. I wish they didn't have such a significant impact, but they do. When they get fixed, I similarly feel much better.

2024 Can Suck It, Part IX

 Welcome to February, where things still suck, but at least the Chiefs are going back to the Super Bowl.

We finally got Pete's bloodwork back from his appointment last weekend. Everything is normal for a cat of his age (almost 17) -- he's not dying and he's not sick. He has slightly diminished kidney function that is expected for his age, and while that sounds scary -- especially in the wake of Maggie's death a few weeks ago -- it is not kidney failure like hers was. Daisy looked it up and it is indeed in line with cats his age, but also found that cats generally live another 6-8 years with it. 

[EDIT: apparently it is one of the forms of kidney failure.]

Do I think Pete is going to live another 6-8 years? Psh, no. But it is slightly reassuring.

He's otherwise fine. All bloodwork was good and normal. Urinalysis was normal. He doesn't have any UTIs or crystals in his urine, isn't showing any degenerative diseases or problems, etc. He is a healthy, active old man cat.

A healthy, active old man cat who is still super-anxious and occasionally peeing on things, including the new couch blanket I put down last week. I had to wash that last night. We re-upped his anxiety medication and reordered it, and the vet suggested we add 1-3mg of melatonin to his dosages of it. Yes, melatonin, the same stuff humans use to go to sleep.

"It's the same pills even," the vet said via the phone. "No prescription needed, just the same pills humans would take."

Apparently for cats, regular doses of melatonin can greatly calm anxiety and will work just as good, or better, than many other actual prescriptions will. It does the same for dogs too, I guess. We discussed that if the melatonin doesn't seem to help, we could try the kitty version of Prozac or Ativan (no idea what Ativan is, but Prozac I know, of course) but with his old age and diminished kidney function we're going to try to avoid that for the time being. Daisy ordered a bottle of 1mg melatonin pills off Amazon last night for $5. The ones we have in the house are 3mcg -- a third of the minimum dose the vets said he could have, and a ninth of the daily maximum dose for him.

I wish I had an answer for his anxiety, but I really don't. He may still be mourning Maggie, and anxious that she's not there, but Pete is also a very routine-oriented cat, and our routines haven't really changed after she died. We still give him the same amount of love (if not more), we're still here at home in the usual places in the house at almost all times, his food hasn't changed, his litter hasn't changed, he still cuddles up with Sadie, seems to love having Emmy around, and for all intents and purposes his life is exactly the same as it always was, with the exception of Maggie no longer being there on the couch with the other cats. So, it could be that or it could be something else we haven't thought of -- I don't know. 

We all miss Maggie, but the pain of her loss is slowly diminishing more by the day. I have not "seen" her out of the corner of my eye again. Daisy has not "heard" her purring again. Wherever she is, she has apparently finally moved on and has not come back to visit. That gives me a sense of peace but also seems slightly sad in and of itself. I would not necessarily be scared by a visit from Maggie's ghost. Unnerved, probably, at least initially -- but not scared. She was the sweetest and most gentle of all of our cats. 

Hank and Emmy's love affair continues; I can't properly express how much those children truly love each other. While I work downstairs at night, they play incessantly for hours on end, chasing each other and play-fighting. When they're done, they sleep together on the couch and hold each other:

When Hank can't find Empress he will come to me, meowing and trilling, as if he's asking me where she went. When he plays fetch with Daisy, if Empress takes interest in the toy, he'll let her have it and will bring Daisy another one to continue playing. He is so loving, so sweet, and so very smart. 

Emmy herself, who I thought would be an extreme handful due to her energy and wildcat personality, really has not been. Hank occupies most of her time and burns that energy off, and she is slowly becoming a cuddly little baby with us too. We're still second fiddles to Hank, of course, but it is clear that she is very content and very much settled into the household now. She has her favorite sleeping spots, her favorite toys, and has no real qualms about cuddling up with any of the other cats. She and Sadie have bonded in their own ways, and Sadie is no longer spooked by her. She'll lay with Sadie, and the two of them will eat together when they're fed, all without any apparent territorial issues. Sadie seems to love and accept the little girl too, at least as far as I can tell. 

Pete, of course, was excited to have her around from the beginning, though the "novelty" has mostly waned at this point. She will still spend time with Pete, and wants to, with them cuddling or grooming each other -- but it's not an everyday thing and she's still a little too active or forceful for the old man at times. I find this interesting because Hank was a little goblin, and he and Pete sparring/play-fighting seemed to give Pete so much joy (until it annoyed him and he was "done" with the session). Now he has this little long-haired furball that just wants love and has a completely different personality than Hank, and I don't know if Pete feels like he has to be on-guard because Hank would steamroll him and he expects this from her -- waiting for the other shoe to drop -- or what. It's clear that Pete loves her and wants her around, though. Like anything, I think it'll just take time, especially if he's still reeling from losing Maggie. While Empress was already out and roaming the house before Maggie's death, having this little rugrat there and present all the time, in the same places Maggie used to be, but with a completely different personality has to be at least a little jarring for him. If nothing else, it is indeed something different. 

She is beautiful, though.

I do want to say that Empress has warmed up to us as her caretakers, her own personal humans -- she will now almost always let me pick her up and hold her, kiss her head, and let me love on her without growling, biting my hands, or trying to get away. I'm sure part of that is familiarity -- she is in the same room with me, close to me, for nine hours a night when I work. She now knows that I am the food-bringer, I am the sweet human who pets her when she curls up next to me and rubs her ears, chin, and chest. She wants to be where I am or know where I am at all times -- if I'm in here in my office, she will frequently sleep outside my door, even when she could be with Hank. She doesn't necessarily want to be in my office with me (she can be if she wants, but most of the time she will explore for a bit and then wander back out), but it seems like knowing where I am is what gives her comfort. Most of the time she doesn't even sleep with me; sometimes she will, but only on my legs or feet.

Similarly, with Daisy -- who she bonded with earlier than me due to the fact that we had her in the bedroom for two weeks, and Daisy sleeps in there all night every night -- she shares a similar but apparently not-as-close relationship with her. However, she will climb up or crawl up on Daisy (she does not do this with me) and she will lay in bed with Daisy far more than she ever will with me. I find these interactions fascinating. 

I can't really get a good read on her personality yet. She's playful, yet sort of shy. She's curious and inquisitive, but not destructive. She very much enjoys the company of the other cats, even choosing them over us. She does not yet really know her name, does not understand what "no" or "move" means, and she is always watching either us or the other cats (unless she's asleep). She is very food-motivated, which Hank is not -- she gets so very excited when she knows I'm opening a can of wet food, tuna, or the treats container -- to the point where she sometimes hops around like a little rabbit or stands up on my leg. She is not really that vocal at all with us, where Pete and Hank really are (and Sadie occasionally is too). She doesn't really purr that much. She sleeps like a rock. She does not like belly rubs (I guess this is normal, but our other cats all love them). I also don't think she's really a full longhaired cat -- I think she was just very fluffy as a little kitten and she's really going to end up being more of a medium-hair. Time will tell, though. She's still just a little thing. She's likely doubled in size since we brought her home, but she is still tiny. 

Good representation of the size difference here.

To those ends, as I did get Daisy the cat DNA tests for Christmas, and then I got another set once we got Emmy, Daisy "performed" all of those today and they will go into the mail on Monday to be processed by the genetics company. We tested Pete, Hank, and Emmy -- Sadie I know is 50% full-blooded Russian Blue (as was Maggie, despite her looks; their mother was a full-blooded Russian Blue) and as the other half of her is likely "barn cat," we didn't bother to test her. The other three, however, remain a mystery. We do have one spare test left, and we were saving it for Daisy's father for his birthday next month so that he can test one of his cats, whichever one he chooses. 

I did consider just testing Sadie, but honestly I don't think it really matters given what I already know. It would be interesting to see, but is it $100 worth of interesting? Because yeah, that's how much each of those DNA tests cost. I will stress this: they cost $100 each. Not all together, each. 

Anyway. 

Not everything sucks -- I want to stress that. There are a lot of things that are resolving or are otherwise getting better, or are being dealt with in their own ways and in their own time. For example, our faucet in the upstairs bathroom has been dripping for a little over a month, but this past week, it's been dripping pretty badly -- it is very clear that the seal/whatever is going out and soon it will not seal or turn off completely at all. Okay. So that has to be dealt with. Daisy opened a ticket with the home warranty people (we looked up how to repair it, watched some videos, and it is way more complicated than you'd think it would be) and that'll get fixed this week at some point -- hopefully sooner rather than later.

I went to Daisy's seventh doctor appointment with her on Friday morning, still looking to get her some answers. We ended up really liking this doctor. Daisy has a few options that she may or may not pursue depending on time involved, persistence of symptoms, and cost factors -- but I do think she is seeing a small glimmer of hope that eventually they'll be able to pinpoint something, and/or she will be able to get better and somewhat back to normal. I also remain hopeful, because eventually something's gotta give, right? If nothing else, all of these doctors are able to rule out multiple different things that they know, for sure, isn't the cause of whatever is making her feel bad. She has her next appointment with another specialist in another field on Tuesday morning. I will likely not be going with her to that one (going with the odds and the time of day). 

This coming week is a busy one. We have Emmy and Sadie's vet appointment on Monday morning right after I get off work, we have Daisy's next appointment, at some point the plumber guy is going to come fix the faucet, and the end of the week is the Super Bowl. I have taken Super Bowl Sunday off -- I was waffling on it, but once the Chiefs got back in again I decided to burn the PTO for it. If nothing else, even if they lose, I get an extra day off. If they win, I get a day off and get to buy this year's Chiefs Super Bowl Champions™ t-shirt off the NFL store.