Hell Weeks

Where do I begin?

I haven't been sleeping much lately.

Well, no, let me correct that -- I haven't been sleeping well lately. As I've previously mentioned here, almost every time I sleep, even if it's just for a nap (which is rare these days due to lack of actual free time), I dream about work. Doing work, being at work, performing the processes of work. I can't escape it. The problem is not that I don't like my job; I like the job fine, and I take pride in the fact that I can (and do) do said job better than a lot of other people there. No, the problem is that I spend far too much time there doing the same repetitive shit. Being good at my job and not hating it is a curse in itself, for it means I'm given extra responsibility and do efficient work. I just can't leave it there.

I can leave it there physically, even consciously, but I simply cannot leave it there unconsciously, which is why I haven't been sleeping well and dream about that building, my cubicle, and the programs I use at work every. single. night. I don't know if there's anything I can do to stop this, nor do I know if it will ever stop. I don't dream about the people there, just the work. I'm afraid that eventually, it will drive me insane. It's not like they make some sort of drug that can change your dreams, after all. It's not like there's any sort of analyst or therapist (or, heh, an analrapist) one could go to in order to combat this problem -- it's just there.

Part of it, I'm sure, is that the entire month of October at that job was fucking hell. I don't say that lightly -- our average everyday workloads have doubled since/compared to September, and as the company is cracking down on overtime, we don't have as much help as we did before on the weekends. Add to those two things the fact that a lot of my coworkers have had out-of-town or other activities/vacation days/etc that made them unavailable for large chunks of the month, and the stress levels involved with working there have become astronomically high.

Case in point: on Saturday night I had a migraine by the time I left the office...at well after 9PM...when I'd been there since shortly after 11AM. Said migraine had been building all night long, making me nauseated and dizzy for a good portion of the evening, before opening up (almost) full force once I got home. I've had many migraines which were worse, yes, but all migraines suck regardless of intensity. I came home, ate, and went to bed. My days at work since have not been much better; it appears that November is shaping up to be a hellish month much like October was.

Another case in point: our six-month wedding anniversary was on Halloween, and we were so insanely busy at work that we didn't even remember it until earlier this week.

Despite that, today I'm actually in a really good, really productive mood for some reason. I don't know why, really -- I just woke up that way. I've been working around the house all day, cleaning and doing laundry. I took a shower. I cleaned the cat box. I drank almost a full pot of coffee. I've been keeping busy while Daisy is asleep and while I prepare for another two nights in a row of work -- I'll leave here in about forty minutes for my shift tonight.

And, after all, the bills are being paid, there's food in the house, the lights are on, and there's gas in our cars. The job does end once we clock out for the day and come home, and usually the next day we're not going back in to the office to deal with the exact same issues, only similar ones.

Over the course of the past few weeks, and over the course of the next few, there's a lot that's happened and even more that must be parceled out and dealt with. What's coming up is that I have to figure out what's going on with my student loans, as my forbearance is supposed to end this month (yet I've heard nothing whatsoever from my loan servicer yet).

Update: I have checked with the loan servicer and my forbearance doesn't end until December 10. So I have a little more than a month of forbearance left. That's comforting. I more than likely won't qualify for it again as my new job pays much, much more than I made while teaching. I'll have to check on that when the time comes. I'd imagine I'll be getting some more paperwork in the mail for it at some point soon, so it's likely to be at the forefront of my mind for the next few weeks.

Daisy has already started her Christmas shopping; I, meanwhile, have already finished most of mine over the course of the past few months that I've actually had spendable money. I'm done shopping for her parents, and I've gotten two or three things for her as well. I have to get one more big item for her (which I already have planned and ready to purchase, of course), and we'll do shopping together so that we can finish up for the nieces/nephews and the parents, but even in the first week of November we're almost there already. I'll get something for my parents as well, and have it shipped back home to them, but the bulk of what needs to be done is done. I also have a buttload of Christmas cards I've collected/received from various charities and as free gifts with certain Christmas present orders I've put in, so in about a month from now I'll begin sending those out to a lot of friends/family friends I have addresses for.

The gravity of the fact that this will be our first holiday season as a married couple is not lost on us; Daisy is perhaps the biggest fan of Christmas on the entire planet, to the point where she is insanely happy that one of the radio stations here in Omaha (102.3) has already switched to 24/7 Christmas music, and has declared that every time we are in the car together we must blast it and sing along to it together.

I am very glad that my car doesn't have a working radio.

Ahem.

Anyway, the biggest task she wants us to take care of over the course of this next week is to go buy a tree. Artificial, of course -- we can't get a real one because A) they're not out yet, and B) I have used pine-based cat litter a lot in the past, and if the cats smell something pine-y, I'm pretty sure they'd piss all over it. We looked for trees this past weekend, but let me tell you that buying a fake tree is no longer as cheap as it once was. My mother and I got a fake tree about 25 years or so ago from Big Lots for $20. While you can buy a tree for $20 today, it's also about four feet tall and looks like green pipe cleaners. The cheapest one we found that Daisy is marginally interested is $90. And yes, while we are not suffering on money and/or scraping by anymore, it's still really hard for me to justify spending $90 on a fake fucking Christmas tree. And that's the most inexpensive passable tree, at that. The ones at Lowe's start at about $200 and go all the way up to about $950 or so.

Oh yes, I know this; we drove around town to three different stores and called a fourth. On the weekend after Halloween. Looking for fake Christmas trees.

Do I want to put up a tree during the first week of November? Do I even like Christmas? No. I think both are a huge pain in the ass and more trouble than they're worth. But, as I've come to realize after being married for more than six months now, pick your battles.

So. We'll be getting a tree soon.