#slytherinpride

I am a Slytherin. I am a proud Slytherin. I absolutely embody many traits of Slytherins (though I embody several traits of the other houses as well).

I'm sure this surprises some of you, and for others, you are probably thinking "yeah, that's about right." When Pottermore got its makeover, it was roughly around the time the wife and I purchased the Blu-rays of all eight Harry Potter movies -- none of which I'd seen in years (and several which I'd never seen all the way through from beginning to end), and I took the sorting hat test.

I thought for years that I would be, as one of my friends likes to call herself as well, a "textbook Ravenclaw." I have many House Ravenclaw traits, including the quest for knowledge and the dedication/desire to be the smartest and the best.

But I have arrogance, I have ego, I have a desire for power and control of all things possible. I am always trying to climb the proverbial ladder, in almost all situations. I am not evil (which many of you can attest to), but I do have an evil side, yes, a mean streak that will occasionally come out. I have little patience or understanding for incompetence or failure, and even less patience for incompetence or failure in someone I know to be competent and successful. I am not in blatant disregard of the rules -- in fact, I tend to follow the rules as much as I can, and expect others to do the same -- yet I can and will absolutely bend said rules as much as possible if in doing so I can gain an upper hand in any given situation, and cover my tracks behind me.

These aren't just things I've noticed in passing -- many of these personality traits are core parts of my personality, my soul, that make me who I am.

From the Pottermore Wiki page:

Slytherins are associated with cunning, ambition and a tendency to look after their own. Their Pottermore welcome letter describes Slytherin as the "coolest and edgiest house in the school." which most Slytherins can confirm. Slytherin has produced its share of Dark witches and wizards, but unlike the other houses, members are not afraid to admit it as one of the Slytherin traits is ambition and greatness. Its students are often feared by the other houses, but most Slytherins are actually very kind (unless you happen to get on their bad side for some reason). 

Many view Slytherin as an evil house. According to the welcome letter, this is not necessarily true. It is true that some Slytherins have achieved greatness through evil deeds, but there are just as many if not more who have done great, non-evil things to achieve greatness. 

Slytherins are always striving to be the best, something they have in common with Ravenclaws. However, Slytherins will never leave their own to be the best. 

And, from the official Harry Potter Wiki:

Slytherins tend to be ambitious, shrewd, cunning, strong leaders, and achievement-oriented. They also have highly developed senses of self-preservation.^[7] This means that Slytherins tend to hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done.

Well then.

I knew almost as soon as I began the sorting hat test that it would place me into Slytherin -- the test isn't perfect by any means, but it is the one sanctioned by Rowling herself, so it's the one everyone should and does trust.

For the record, as I'm sure you're curious -- my wife is a Hufflepuff, as is her mother, one of her sisters, and several of our close friends. The sister and brother-in-law who gave us my truck are both Gryffindors. I know very few Ravenclaws -- true Ravenclaws, anyway -- and even fewer Slytherins. It sort of makes me the odd man out in our combined family as well, as I am the only Slytherin I know of in both my family as well as the wife's.

Well, let me take that back -- I'm fairly certain that if my mother took the test, she'd be a Slytherin. As well as at least one, if not both, of my brothers. I'm much less certain about either of them.

When I found out I was Slytherin, I went "whole hog" with it, as they say. I got us banners for the wall in our bedroom -- Slytherin on my side of the bed, Hufflepuff on the wife's. I own no fewer than three Slytherin shirts (with three more on the way to me in the mail now) and a Slytherin coffee mug. My Facebook is covered in Slytherin things, and my profile message on our work IM program is #slytherinpride, with my avatar photo the Slytherin crest.

The wife finds it all very amusing and nerdy, especially for a guy who's never read any of the books (well, I read about half of the first one about ten years ago). I have, however, seen the movies. I am disappointed with the way most Slytherins are portrayed and have had long discussions about this with my wife -- most of them are portrayed as one-dimensional characters, at least in the films. It's all "hey, we're Slytherins, let's be dicks because this story needs villains!" And I'm all like "no, just because the biggest dick in the wizarding world just happens to be the heir to Salazar Slytherin and he kills a whole bunch of people doesn't mean that all of us are fuckholes."



In my research to learn more about Slytherin House, I came across an interesting little quiz; these seventeen questions were written from the perspective of a Gryffindor as questions Gryffindors have for Slytherins. They came from this article, which was posted some time ago on Buzzfeed. As a Slytherin, I feel it is my duty to answer them.

1. How does it feel to be a part of the most loathed house at Hogwarts?

Oh, I don't know, how does it feel to be in a house full of cocky little pricks who think they're better than everyone else just because Harry Potter was one of you?

2. Do you ever secretly wish you were a Gryffindor?

Do you ever secretly wish Merlin was a Gryffindor? I bet you do. 

3. Are you proud of the reputation your house has in the school?

Wouldn't you be?

4. Do you honestly believe the teachings of Salazar Slytherin? The whole pureblood thing?

No. Truthfully, I couldn't care less about it.

5. Could someone tell Millicent Bulstrode to stop spreading cat hairs everywhere?

Ugh, again with the cat hair. Stop whining.

6. Does it bother you that, like, 99 percent of the world believes Gryffindor is the best house?

I can't help that people are stupid. Plus, it keeps the attention off of us.

7. Although not all Slytherins are terrible, do you ever feel weird knowing that your crest was named after one of the most hated creatures of all time?

What, the snake? There's nothing wrong with snakes. They eat rats, keep the pest population down, scare whiners...

8. Does it make you feel weird that Malfoy, your Quidditch seeker, had to buy his way on to the team?

Malfoy is a sniveling little snot who doesn't deserve to be a Slytherin anyhow, so I don't believe this question warrants a response.

9. On a scale from one to 10, how mad were you all when Dumbledore awarded Gryffindor the House Cup after the whole Philosopher’s Stone thing?

Do you mean on a scale of one to fucking horseshit? I think that's what you meant, right?

10. Do you feel a little weird knowing that some of your parents are Death Eaters?!

Meh, we all have our own goals and passions. Who are you to judge? Besides, while I don't approve of the Death Eaters' actions, you have to admit that the Dark Mark is badass.

11. Could one of you notify Blaise Zabini to drop by the Gryffindor common room one day? He’s cute.

Oh yeah, like he'd associate with any of you little pricks.

12. Does it suck that your common room is located in the dungeons?

You mean "under the Black Lake"? Because that's where the common room is, and let me tell you, that's pretty fucking awesome.

13. Are you guys ever astonished by how dim Crabbe and Goyle are?

I'm sure the other houses have some idiots in them too, you know.

14. Harry was definitely the winner of the duel between him and Malfoy in year two, right?

Who cares?

15. Do you all ever make friends with people in other Hogwarts houses?

Of course, but that's because I don't have prejudices against people just because a hat told them what part of the building they're going to sleep in for seven years.

16. Is it annoying that the most popular person who ever lived is a Gryffindor?

Popularity is vain and fleeting.

17. And finally, if you could be sorted again, would you ask the Sorting Hat to be a Gryffindor?

Psh, no.