Selling One's Soul

A few weeks ago, one of my friends posted this list on Facebook. I thought it was extremely laughable, as I think most lists like this are. So, as I am prone to do sometimes, let's do a good old fashioned deconstruction!

BY AGE 40 YOU SHOULD BE SMART ENOUGH TO REALIZE THIS:

...For grammar's sake, it should be "these things," but y'know, whatever -- like the internet has ever cared about proper grammar.

1. Someone makes 10x more than you do in a 9-5 job because they have more "leverage" with their work.

Someone makes 10x more than I do in a 9-5 job because they got lucky, slept their way to the top, had better opportunities or privileges growing up (i.e. they weren't born in a backwater state and didn't live on top of a mountain until they were 24), had better ideas than most people, had financial backing from a relative/corporation/angel investor that fell in their lap, or took risks that 95% of others wouldn't take -- again, see the "they got lucky" above. "Leverage" almost never has anything to do with it. Privilege does.

2. Distraction is the greatest killer of success. It stunts and destroys your brain.

Distraction is necessary so that you don't become a fucking zombie or spend your life as an incurable workaholic. Rest and relaxation is indeed important. Downtime is important. Vacations are important. Love, family, and stability are all important. If you don't have any of these things, you'll be a pretty miserable person.

3. You shouldn't take advice from people who are not where you want to be in life.

You shouldn't take advice from almost anyone unless you can directly utilize and either exploit or build upon it to better yourself or your family -- without repercussions or downsides. In general, take any advice with a grain of salt, or an entire shaker.

4. No one is coming to save your problems. Your life's 100% your responsibility.

Well, that's the damnable misery of it, isn't it? And for a lot of people, I cannot think of anything more absolutely, devastatingly depressing. There are people I know who have done everything possible to try to better themselves and their station in life and have gotten absolutely nowhere despite their best efforts and best intentions. There are also people I know who have turned around their entire lives with a simple decision they made one day when they woke up. Point is, not everyone can do that -- it again boils down to luck, opportunity, and privilege, which is 100% outside of most peoples' control.

5. You don't need 100 self-help books, all you need is action and self discipline.

And money. And opportunity. And luck. And privilege. This list was very clearly written by someone who had all of these things. 

6. Unless you went to college to learn a specific skill (ie. doctor, engineer, lawyer), you can make 

more money in the next 90 days just learning sales.

Which is really, really goddamned sad. Because unfortunately, this one is likely correct. But I don't want to sell my soul to sell items or policies, or concepts, or insurance to benefit yet another corporate overlord, not to mention that I don't want to victimize the public or have my entire worth in whatever career I choose be boiled down to numbers or metrics. This may be the most depressing thing on this list. Does anyone really want to do this with their life? Anyone? Are there people out there who are like "I was put on this planet to sell things that people don't need to people with too much money to care?" What a shallow, hollow existence that must be. 

7. No one cares about you. So stop being shy, go out and create your chances.

Okay, all kidding aside, this one I mostly agree with. You'll probably fail, because this world is a miserable and awful place, but go for the gusto. You can at least say you tried.

8. If you find someone smarter than you, work with them, don't compete.

Something I have learned, continually, my entire life is...there will ALWAYS be someone smarter than you. A lot of us "smart people" did not get fully hit with this realization until we went to college. Working with them IS indeed an option. But, if you can find a way to make them work for you -- as in, a way to benefit from being associated with them, or can find a way to make them roll up to you in a command structure in a support capacity...then how smart are they, really? Of course, the other option remains to not compete with them whatsoever, but to best them and/or crush them.

9. Smoking has 0 benefit in your life. This habit will only slow your thinking and lower your focus.

I agree, as a former smoker myself, that it has zero actual benefit and was absolutely detrimental to my health -- but never once did it slow my thinking or lower my focus, or affect my sense of self. Some of the best creative work I've ever done -- writing, art, etc. -- was done while slowly chain-smoking through a pack of cigarettes and drinking a pot of coffee. I'm not endorsing smoking here of course, but I'm saying that it doesn't kill everyone and doesn't affect everyone in a wholly negative fashion.

10. Comfort is the worst addiction and cheap ticket to depression.

Vehemently disagree here. Constant uncomfortability, lack of stability in one's finances/health/love life or learning/career path is your ticket to depression. Constantly fighting to keep what you have and never seeming to break even -- or worse, only breaking even with no progress and an endless cycle of grind with no end in sight...THAT, my friend, is depressing. Let me tell you, I worked hard for many years to get where I am, and that process was depressing as fuck. But, once I could get my finances stabilized, once my career stabilized, and once I married a good woman, you know what happened? About 90% of the things I was previously depressed about went away, as did the actual depression. Comfort is not a ticket to depression; it is, in fact, the opposite. You have to be at least mostly happy to be comfortable. 

11. Don't tell people more than they need to know, respect your privacy.

Unless telling people more than they need to know will somehow benefit you in the long run, this one is mostly true. 

12. Avoid alcohol at all cost. Nothing worse than losing your senses and acting a fool.

Just like everything else, there is a time and a place for alcohol. It is not all the time, but sometimes you need -- truly need -- to just lose your senses and act a fool. Just because you occasionally drink does not automatically deem you an unfit or unwell person. And it also doesn't mean you lose your senses and act a fool when you do drink. People are allowed to be people. So much of this list basically sounds like "by the age of 40, you should know better than to do anything you actually enjoy that makes life worth living."  And I say this as a recovered alcoholic myself -- I stopped drinking in my 20s, and can count on one hand the number of alcoholic drinks of anything I have had in the past decade. But you know what? I'm not going to tell people they can't live their lives and drink if they want to. In fact, if I wanted to keep in the true spirit of this rather spiteful list, I would say "let everyone drink as much as they want -- it will destroy those who can't handle it and weaken the rest so you can conquer them." But I'm also not that big of an asshole. 

13. Keep your standards high and don't settle for something because it's available.

Except there's a point where this has to stop, right? You can't always be like "no, that's not good enough for me" or you will end up a truly miserable person that no one and nothing can satisfy. You have to truly know yourself and know your wants and needs out of life before you can set your standards. Not everything is a competition and there are, indeed, some things you can settle for and be happy with, because if your standards are set too high, you will never achieve them. Also, bonus fact -- some people will never achieve their goals in life even if their standards are moderately low or reasonable. That's just how shit is; that is life. 

14. The family you create is more important than the family you come from.

Look, while I mostly agree with this, it is also just as problematic. I know a lot of people who have created or joined "problematic" families -- whether by choice or by circumstance. This is another one of those situations where you really have to know yourself and who you really are, and who you want to associate yourself with (or be associated with). For example, a lot of my actual family back home in West Virginia are Trump supporters (mostly for all of the wrong reasons)* and because of that, I consider a lot of them toxic and don't really associate with them. But on the same side of that coin, you can also surround yourself with people who you don't believe are toxic or problematic and still be wrong. Choose who you associate with, family or otherwise, very carefully -- because you may find that sometimes it's better to not actually associate with anyone and to forge your own path free of a lot of those tribal connections.

15. Train yourself to take nothing personally to save yourself from 99.99% of mental problems.

But...there are some things that are absolutely meant for you to take personally. Part of living as a sentient being with emotional and actual intelligence is separating what is directed specifically at you from generalities. I'm not a fan of most criticism, constructive or otherwise -- few people are -- but sometimes people need to know, and to be outright told, that they're a fuck up or a fuckin' idiot and it is definitely meant personally. I am not immune to this either. But, to tie this to "99.99% of mental problems" is downright cruel and wrong. That also absolutely reeks of privilege. People don't choose their mental health -- just as an example, I know schizophrenics, depressives, and bipolars across the board, from many walks of life, who would give anything to be mentally well, mentally stable, to not have to worry about their next episode or when they'd start hearing voices again. Their mental health issues did not come from taking everything they were told personally -- that is an absolutely unhinged, uneducated, and able-ist assumption and approach to mental health and is simply wrong. 

*Note: I do not believe that there is any "right" reason to vote for Donald Trump -- but I do understand that there are many voters out there who honestly believe that he is the correct choice to lead this country again for a myriad of factors. I don't have to agree with their reasoning, nor do I have to support it -- and I very much do not. But, I understand their conviction. I understand they feel they are passionate American patriots and that their vote truly will better this country -- and to me, they are entitled to their incorrect opinions. 

That being said, there are people who voted for him for the exact wrong reasons -- things like "well, I don't like anyone who's not white either and want to deport all of the immigrants" or "I don't want a black Indian woman running my country" or "women shouldn't have rights and I can't wait until Trump and Jesus take them away again" or "trans people don't exist, and I don't like them gays neither" or "I want to be able to justify beating and abusing women again like it was in the old days" -- and to those people I say you are on the wrong side of history, and you will learn this soon enough.