Disoriented

Countdown to fall semester: sixteen days

We got our emailed schedule for orientation for fall semester yesterday morning -- 9AM-12 on Thursday the 18th, and 9AM-4:30PM on Friday the 19th. Classes officially start on Monday, August 22. The new recruits, of course, have to be there all week long on a different schedule.

We also learned of a new policy, or at least something that wasn't offered to last year's class when I started -- we're going to be buddied up with the new recruits, and we're supposed to give them a tour of campus over the span of a few hours, or something like that.

Well, not to be mean about it or anything, but good luck getting any useful information out of me. Since I didn't receive a tour of this sort last year (and, indeed, barely left my office or the building), my realm of knowledge consists of the building the English department is in, the library across the quad, the student union, the museum on campus, and about three actual other buildings and/or lecture halls...out of a total of probably about fifty on the main campus. Aside from that, the best advice I can really give is where your best shot at a good parking spot is depending on the time of day you arrive on campus, and the fact that you can order delivery from Jimmy John's and have it at your office within about ten minutes of hanging up the phone. Oh, and who in the department to talk to depending on your hobbies and interests, for companionship, camaraderie and the like.

Other than that, I can't really tell you much aside from what the former girlfriend told me when I first became a student there -- "You can't find it? Here's a map, figure it out." And, for the most part, I did.

The former girlfriend has not yet heard back about her prospective new apartment yet, and now that it's the weekend she won't hear about it until Monday. In the meantime, she's still been packing a lot of stuff in her free time; yesterday afternoon, I helped her separate and pack up everything in the bathroom that she wanted to take with her, and found some cold medicine, vitamins, and soap that I'd been looking for throughout the house for months, if not a full year or so. The bathroom, and especially the cupboards in it, are considerably more bare now, but that was to be expected. I'll still have enough shampoo, toilet paper, soap, and deodorant to last me many months.

I haven't worked on the book for a day or two, and it's something I need to spend time doing this weekend during my waking hours. I wanted to set the launch date for around August 10th, and if I'm going to make that deadline I've got four days to do it. If I don't make it, well, I don't make it, but at least I'd like to try. From a perfectionist's perspective -- especially for something that yes, I'm going to put on sale (duh) I have to ensure that it's as flawless as I can make it, and that takes time.

I also still haven't heard anything more about the submissions I have out right now; in the wake of finishing the book and dealing with everything else this week, I almost forgot about all of them. Truthfully, at least two of them I probably should just forget about, as it's been months upon months. If those publications don't get back to me one way or another before September 1st (when most of the journals on my submissions list open for poetry submissions again), I'm just going to retool them and/or retitle them and send them somewhere else. I don't have time to wait or time to waste; gotta keep pumping submission after submission out there to get some publications under my belt. The book will help my CV, obviously, when it comes to looking for jobs like available university lecturer teaching positions -- but if I decide to continue into a PhD program in two years, they'll expect to see some publications in scholarly or literary journals, as well. I'd like to find a few journals that I can shop around my Dr. Manhattan paper to, as well as ones to which I could send the exhaustive D.H. Lawrence paper I wrote for my Modernism class last semester and whatever papers I'll write this coming semester. It'll be good to get my hand into a few pots and genres of writing if I expect to find a job in the real world.

The responses to my list of needed items (also posted on my Facebook as a note entitled "A Call for Assistance") are still coming in. Right now I have already been able to take two of the smaller items off the list -- a can opener and the large ashtray I needed -- and I have four or five more friends scattered about the country (Oregon, North Dakota, West Virginia, etc) who have pledged their help if possible in making the situation a bit better for me. I have since cleaned up my Amazon wish list to only include the things that I need for this purpose -- with the exceptions of the laptop I will more than likely have to replace my current one with, eventually, and the tie-dye kits that I keep an eye on to see if they'll ever become available again. I don't, of course, expect anyone to get me the larger items like the futon, dressers, or lawnmower, but I've kept them on the wish list (and on the list on here and Facebook) just in case someone close to town and/or in town has used ones they want to get rid of.

My mother replied to the wish list link I sent her by saying that I should have expected that I'd lose half my shit when I broke up with the former girlfriend. While yes, that is understandable, it wasn't I who did the breaking -- and though in the weeks and months leading up to it I was beginning to expect the eventual outcome, it's not like this is something that I planned to have to deal with at this exact time given my exact financial situation. Therefore, I'm trying to make the best of the situation in the ways I know how. It's not easy, and this sort of thing never is, but my unwavering optimism and determination to make each day better than the last is what keeps me going.

I think the most amusing part of it is that it's near-impossible to convince anyone who's asked that I'm not a) in shock, b) depressed, c) angry, or d) all of the above. Even now, a week later, I still have friends asking me "Not even a little? You have to be a little. Stop lying to yourself."

No, seriously, for the last time -- I'm not lying, I'm not depressed or angered, and I'm not bitter. I'm not anything. My mental state has not significantly changed since the breakup occurred; I am perfectly fine, folks. I have no ill will and would never wish any against the former girlfriend. In fact, I wish her nothing but the best, and want her to be happy with whatever she does and whoever she finds. Seriously, this isn't the horror like what you see on TV or in movies, or may have experienced yourself in the past. Depression, anger, bitterness -- none of those solve anything, and there's no use for them. They just make what's already a somewhat stressful situation much more difficult. Why would anyone want to do that? It's drama, and remember, I live in a drama-free zone.

Anyway.

One of our mutual friends tells me that the next time I'm in Wichita, I should indeed hit up the thrift stores there, like the Goodwill store and the DAV, to see if I can get some of those kitchen appliances (like a toaster or blender) for cheap there. While that's a good idea, until that loan clears my bank and until we get paid, I really don't have a lot of spare money to do that -- which is why I made the request for assistance in the first place, to see if anyone had stuff that they wanted to give away. In about a month, when the former girlfriend has moved out and I'll have a little bit more money to work with, maybe then I'll be able to do that. I will be in Wichita over the next few days at the office (more than likely on Monday or Tuesday) to start taking stuff back in there as I'd always planned, though.