Crisis Situation...?

Fall semester: day seventy-one
Thanksgiving break: day eleven (final day off)

I awoke this morning feeling...well, strange.

For one, all of my ab/back muscles were locked up. Super-tense. Could-hardly-move tense. I had no idea why. I got up to pee, and realized the culprit -- I had pain. And not just any pain, but localized pain...around my left kidney area. And it wasn't pleasant.

Shit.

As you folks may or may not know, the former girlfriend was plagued with kidney stones, and over the six years we were together she had at least three, if not four, operations to remove or break them up. Because of this, I very quickly became well aware of the kidney stone warning signs years ago, even though I've never had one myself. Pain, nausea, chills/fever, sometimes vomiting, etc. Depends on the stones involved and if they're moving, really.

I laid back down, very painfully, and assessed the situation in my mind. No fever; I could tell that much at least. No nausea or vomiting either. Just pain, and -- because my muscles were so tensed up (and it's cold downstairs in the bedroom), chills. Hm.

Immediately, these thoughts ran through my head, in this precise order:

1. Of course this had to happen on the LAST day of my vacation, not the first.
2. I need to get up, get dressed, see if I can get upstairs to my phone.
3. I so, so don't have the money for an ER visit.
4. Why, oh why, did I let my health insurance lapse this semester?
5. Because I'm incredibly super-poor, that's why.
6. Am I even able to get up and get dressed?
7. If I have to go to the hospital, I'll have to cancel classes this week.
8. What does that mean for my own classes? I've already written the papers.
9. Fuck, I *really* don't have the money for an ER visit.
10. What if it's cancer? Kidney cancer? Fuck.
11. Goddammit, muscles, stop tensing up, I can't move.
12. "Hi Maggiebaby, hi Sadiegirl. Daddy hurts."
13. Okay. Game plan: get dressed, get upstairs, call former girlfriend, if necessary; she'll know what to do.

And finally, I thought: renal failure is probably a pretty nasty way to die, but I've heard of worse.

As much as both of us may dislike it, even though we're on friendly terms, both I and the former girlfriend know that she's the only person I have in this entire state who I implicitly trust and can rely on for, as she herself calls it, a "reality check."

So. I got up again. Painfully. I got dressed. Painfully. I walked upstairs very slowly, also painfully. Most of the pain was coming from my tensed, locked muscles, which were overriding everything else. Pain stabbed at me hard from my kidney area whenever I moved in a certain way, though -- enough to make me yelp loudly and draw the attention of my big boy kitty, Pete, who stared at me as if I were from another planet. I stumbled into my room and sat down in my chair. Okay, I'm at my desk now. I have my phone. Let's see what happens. I immediately began drinking water, despite the fact that I was not thirsty. It's supposed to help.

I posted a message on Facebook and Twitter, and the message was thus: "I may have to go to the hospital today (the ER, not the psych ward). Stay tuned for updates. Also, this sucks."

I thought it important to clarify, as most people already think I'm nuts.

I was bombarded by friends and family members asking for explanations. When I told them what was going on, I was again bombarded by people telling me to go to the hospital -- including the former girlfriend. Meanwhile, throughout all of this, my muscles were relaxing, which allowed me to move around more and assess the pain in the area of my kidney, which was no longer as bad or stabbing. The chills had gone as well once my muscles had relaxed.

I sent my mother an email saying "Hey, I may have to go to the hospital today, but I hope not," or something to that effect.

My kidney area was aching and hurting, dully, this was certain. However, I was unable to figure out whether it was actually my kidney or whether it was muscular. I still don't know, to be honest. What I do know is that by a little after noon, it was feeling a lot better, and by a little after 1PM, the kidney-ish pain had waned even more. Now, as it's a little before 2PM, I can still feel it just a little bit, but it's about 95% gone.

How weird.

So, it doesn't look like I'll have to go to the hospital after all. At least not today. Hopefully.

I swear, this "getting old" shit is for the birds, man.