Fall semester: day sixty-nine
Thanksgiving break: day seven (Thanksgiving Day)
I am here once more to live-blog while writing a paper, in an attempt to keep myself focused on writing it. You may find that, again, counter-intuitive. It is not. It is, in fact, the only thing on the planet that will keep me writing this paper, because I absolutely do not want to do it. This afternoon I am in a mindset as far away from writing an academic paper as anyone possibly can be, and the totally-whiny feeling of can't I just be fucking done with my work already has swept over me, because every day since Sunday/Monday-ish I've had something else to do, another school-related task to complete, another book to read or research to do. And it's totally worn me down. I think Suri put it best a few days ago when she said "For grad students, there is no break." Really, she's right. As I've said many times before, as a grad student there is always something else that could be done during the semester. Always. Remember that, kiddies, if you choose to go on to grad school. The stress and responsibility never stops.
Anyway, let's get on with it.
2:54PM:
I have given my paper the tentative title "The Ongoing Narrative of the Living and the Dead in Mrs Dalloway" because that, at least, is the broad topic that I'd like to cover within it. Sort of. If it morphs into something else as I'm writing, I'll have to go back and change the title. This is, at least, much further along than I was last night, when I had no clue what the topic of the paper was going to be.
2:57PM:
I turn off Twitter and Facebook for the day as they will provide me with nothing but distractions, and start drawing up an outline with body sections for the paper in my notebook.
3:04PM:
Having come up with a good angle for each body section, I've decided it's probably best for me to write my paper as a critical analysis without letting it get bogged down by the research sources I've found, and then go back and insert sections with those sources later when the main text of the paper is finished -- not only will this save me time, but it will also allow me to focus better as I write.
3:11PM:
Still drawing up the outline, hoping I can make things sound more interesting in the paper than they are in the book.
3:25PM:
Yes, still drawing up the outline of the paper. It's sounding good, if I can make it work.
3:34PM:
The outline is finished. I pour myself a fresh cup of coffee and start writing the introduction of the paper. Judging by the outline, it should end up around fifteen pages long, which is comfortably over the minimum requirement of twelve. I'm feeling good -- I now have a game plan, a plan of attack if you will, and should be able to do at least a passable job in getting this paper done.
3:36PM:
I realize that I am almost completely out of cigarettes, and that in about two hours or so I'll have to leave the house to go get more if I want to be able to concentrate enough to finish the paper. I'll have to leave the house. On Thanksgiving Day. I make a mental note to go to the gas station instead of Walmart, as I don't want to be anywhere near Walmart on a holiday.
3:48PM:
Halfway done with the introduction; it's flowing well. I pause to use the bathroom and stretch my legs by pacing the living room for a few minutes, stopping to rub Petey, who stole my chair as soon as I got up.
4:08PM:
3/4 of the way through my introduction, I become a bit frustrated. In trying to come up with a comparison between "living time" and the figurative "dead time" in the novel for my thesis statement, my brain stalls out and gets stuck. Shit.
4:28PM:
Top of page 2, still wrapping up the introduction, as I needed to set the stage for where this paper is going to go. Desperately trying to create a thesis statement that will tie everything together. Yes, kids, even those of us in grad school have problems with that sometimes.
4:30PM:
I close both sets of blinds over my windows, as the setting sun keeps me from actually being able to, y'know, see.
4:38PM:
The narrative of “living time” and “dead time,” therefore, and how the characters deal with their own passage through time, is what draws all aspects of the novel together. The introduction is done; this is my thesis statement. I may go back and change/edit it later, but for now, this is what it is, and I need to be able to move onward with the paper.
4:45PM:
Taking a break, I put on my jacket and shoes to go out for cigarettes before it gets dark.
5:03PM:
I return home from the gas station with a 64oz Pepsi Icee, two packs of cheap cigarettes, and two "spicy chicken fillet" sandwiches (knockoff versions of Chick-Fil-A's sandwiches, and nowhere near as good). This constitutes my Thanksgiving dinner, as sad as that may sound -- but at least it's not something I have to cook myself. I also noticed in my trip there and back that the Monte Carlo's leaking coolant again -- probably because it's insanely warm for Thanksgiving Day (65 outside right now), and it only really leaks when it's warm outside. I make a mental note to check its levels and possibly add more stop-leak to it if necessary before I leave the house next time.
5:07PM:
I eat my "dinner," and realize that I forgot to get some beef jerky like I'd wanted. Shit.
5:09PM:
The chicken's too dry and the pickles suck. Fail, gas station chicken sandwiches. Wow, Happy Thanksgiving to me.
5:12PM:
With a stomach full of Pepsi Icee and subpar chicken, I light up a new cigarette and get back to work on the paper.
5:30PM:
First paragraph of body section one completed, first citation used (the book itself). Moving along at a good clip. The 64oz Pepsi Icee is over half gone.
5:44PM:
I really want the fucking kids in the neighborhood to stop fucking screaming. I don't care if it is a holiday; the tryptophan from the turkey should have kicked in by now. I need to concentrate, so shut the fuck up. It's dark; how can you possibly see to run around the yard and play? Go the fuck back inside and watch football, you little shits. I hope someone's enjoying football, because I'm sure as hell not; I'm writing this fucking paper.
6:14PM:
Halfway through body section one, and I'm on the top of page four. I've used two sources thus far; the book itself, and the chronology of Virginia Woolf's life within the book, written by the editor. I realize that I've been working on the paper for a little more than three hours, with a drive to the gas station in between, and I've gotten to 1/3 of the minimum page count before the first body section is finished. This is a good thing. The kids outside are still running around and screaming.
6:31PM:
3/4 of the way through body section one and I get stuck again. Brain doesn't like me tonight. Wants me to stop working and watch football, listen to a podcast, or play Pokemon. The caffeine and sugar of the Pepsi Icee, now 2/3 empty, isn't helping me like I thought it would. The kids outside are still running around and screaming, despite the fact that it is now completely dark.
6:56PM:
I am on the top of page five, wrapping up body section one. The kids have finally stopped screaming and have gone inside. After I finish with body one, I plan to take a short break.
7:06PM:
Body section one is finished. I've retitled the paper "The Time-Based Narrative of the Living and the Dead in Mrs Dalloway" because it more closely relates to the subject matter I'm writing about. I take a break for a few minutes to wander the house and stretch, and fold a load of laundry I'd left in the dryer.
7:47PM:
After wandering the house for a sufficient period of time, folding the laundry, and starting another load (bedsheets) so that I have a reason to take a break and go back downstairs later, I begin work on body section two.
7:54PM:
I get distracted by Black Friday deals on Amazon for five minutes, not that I have the money to purchase any of them. Walmart, too. They have a nice laptop for $199 that I wish I could afford, badly. Really, really badly.
7:56PM:
I get back to body section 2.
8:08PM:
On the top of page six, coming close to breaching the "halfway" point of the paper as structured in my drawn-out plan in my notebook. The Pepsi Icee has completely melted.
8:19PM:
Halfway down page six, I start stumbling again. My writing isn't as good as it was in the first five pages. I need to start bringing in sources to better back up my points, because writing like this isn't really going to help me.
8:33PM:
Second wind. Bottom of page six, and I'm roughly halfway through my points for body section two. This means that I'm about halfway through the paper. As body section three will be the longest, and then I'll have to go back through the paper to insert research quotes/sources, I will have no problem making this paper reach the minimum page count of twelve, and it may even reach the maximum of twenty when it's all said and done. I'm optimistic.
8:41PM:
The Pepsi Icee, all 64oz of it, is gone.
8:56PM:
Halfway down page seven. Cleaning up the section I just typed. Oh, it's good. It's going to be even better when I splice in some sources and quotes to support it.
9PM:
I take another short break to go downstairs and switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and stuff my large comforter into the washer. I realize I've been working on this paper for six hours already, and get a little dejected that I've probably at least got that much more work on it to go. I consider quitting for the night, but decide against it -- I do not want to lose my train of thought, nor do I want to stop until I'm completely finished. I return upstairs, drink more coffee, and continue writing.
9:18PM:
Stuck again. Goddammit. I check my email and see that I have an email from Suri -- who, aside from the occasional email I get from my parents, is the only person who I tend to stay in contact with when I'm not in school. I make the mistake of looking at Facebook for less than two minutes, see that almost everyone I know is having a much better Thanksgiving than I am, and immediately start hating most of my friends. Back to work.
9:26PM:
The phrase "Post-Traumatic Septimus Disorder" crosses my mind. I almost want to name the paper that, and almost type it into my section on Septimus Smith -- by far the most interesting character in Mrs Dalloway. I decide against it, post it on Twitter, and close Twitter again. Back to work.
9:39PM:
I pee a great river of what used to be Pepsi Icee out of my bladder. Into the toilet, of course.
9:45PM:
Top of page 8. I've now been working on this paper for almost seven hours. I'm well past the halfway point, and in another hour of work, I should be able to start body section three. I drink another cup of coffee, now cold, and continue.
10:12PM:
Fuck it, I think. I need stuff to back me up and help form my thoughts. Therefore, first block quote from a research source -- an article our professor gave us in class -- has been inserted into the bottom of page 8. I'm having trouble pulling all of my thoughts together, so I'll let quotes do it for me.
10:27PM:
Finally wrapping up body section two, which concludes with the meaning behind Septimus Smith's suicide and how it relates to the concept of time, living in the present as opposed to the past (or, in Septimus' case, being trapped in the past, unable to escape), and preparing to move on into body section three, which may be the longest of the entire paper. I am currently 1/4 of the way down page nine.
10:31PM:
I am unsure as to how I can enter body section three. I take a break to re-read the entire paper up to this point. In the interim, I fold the freshly-washed sheets, stick the comforter in the dryer, and silently weep about how I would so much rather be playing video games and listening to podcasts than writing this bullshit. Back to work.
10:40PM:
I change the thesis statement slightly. It now reads: The continual narrative of the “living time” of the novel's present and the “dead time” of the past, therefore, and how the characters deal with their own passage through time, is what draws all aspects of the novel together not only in reference to those characters but in the narrative structure of the novel itself.
I think this sounds better, and make a note to possibly expand upon it a bit more before I completely finish the paper.
10:49PM:
Upon reading back through body section two, I realize that I have left out a major component: how Septimus is perceived as Clarissa's mirror in the novel. I begin working on it before I start body section three, as it will not only make the paper more cohesive, but it will make it a page or so longer when all's said and done.
11PM:
For some reason Blogger has "gone down," of sorts, and is unable to autosave my post here every few minutes. As I wait for it to pop back up, I check my email again. Nothing. Back to work.
11:07PM:
Blogger still appears to be down. Meanwhile, I have added about a page to my paper just through additions and edits as I work my way back through what I already have.
11:39PM:
I look up at the clock as I breach page ten, and realize there's a reason my stomach is bothering me -- aside from the lackluster chicken sandwiches, I haven't eaten anything all day. I save my work and take a break to actually eat something substantial.
12:08AM Friday:
I return from my late dinner to realize holy crap, I'm almost done with this paper. I've got one body section and a conclusion to go. Most of that last body section will be critical quotes and interpretations, with my own thoughts spliced in here and there. Blogger is working again. Back to work.
12:37AM:
I breach page 11. I've quoted the book twice, and have quoted a third research source already in the third body section, which is only about 1/3 of the way completed.
1:06AM:
I'm halfway down page 12. At this point I'm just writing and quoting things; I'm not sure how I'll be able to draw it all back to the rest of the paper, but damn is it good. I will not edit any of it out; I will change smaller sections of the paper to be able to keep it.
1:23AM:
I deliver the paper's climactic knockout punch more than halfway down page 12, the one where I think my professor will read it and say "yes, that's exactly what I wanted you kids to get out of the novel! A!" And now begins the conclusion process before I find a few more sources to insert and make my revisions. I have now been working on the paper for almost ten hours.
1:39AM:
I forgo the conclusion for the moment and once more vault back through the paper, trying to find places in which I can insert quotes and/or paraphrases. I hate writing research papers because of this; it is much easier for me to be formalistic, to dissect a novel with just me and the text, than it is for me to look at it for sections where I think "Hm, I bet someone else wrote something interesting about this part of the novel." That's stifling to me.
1:47AM:
More quotes added. Paper has now been expanded to thirteen full pages before the Works Cited page, thus taking it over the minimum requirements. I am close to breaching eleven hours of work on this paper, straight through, with very few short breaks. I am determined to finish it tonight. I drink more coffee and hunker down.
1:58AM:
I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I have been writing this paper for going on twelve hours now, and that's not a lie; look above to see what time I started. I'm getting punch-drunk and groggy. I drink more coffee. Back to work.
2:10AM:
I just sent this email to Suri:
I have spent 12 hours straight writing a paper on Mrs Dalloway. I think my brain is bleeding. I have officially boycotted Thanksgiving. I'm pretty sure my beard is trying to eat my face. I need sleep.
B
2:19AM:
I need to find and use one more source in the paper before I can write my conclusion to sum all of it up and call it finished. I am really, really worn out, and the continued cups of coffee -- as you know, it is my dirty energy -- are making my stomach ache, but I need them to keep focused (at least for the time being).
2:32AM:
I am never finishing this fucking paper.
2:45AM:
I have officially been working on this paper for twelve hours straight. I have drank a pot of coffee, smoked half a pack of cigarettes, and I am still not done yet. I estimate I have at least another two hours' worth of work to do to it, roughly.
3:02AM:
I am on the last line or two of the conclusion, and words have stopped coming to me. Completely. As in, I have no idea how to end the paper. I am at the bottom of page 14. Every ten minutes or so, I begin to nod off a little bit. I must finish.
3:12AM:
I almost fall off my chair because I'm having trouble staying awake. The paper is done, the conclusion is written and I have the minimum of five sources, but I'd like to make a final run-through and edit, especially in the case that I've missed something or can plant another source within it, before I save it and call it completely finished. You have no idea how ready I am to be done with this fucking thing.
3:14AM:
I begin what I hope is my final read-through of the paper.
3:16AM:
Introduction and thesis still sound particularly good.
3:20AM:
First half of body one required a few small edits, but otherwise good.
3:23AM:
The rest of body one sounds fine. It is clear there is a natural progression at play in the paper as I cycle through the aspects of the novel's characters.
3:33AM:
I've read up to page 9 now, out of 14. I think it all sounds great. I've made several minor edits, but the fact that I don't have to change anything structurally thus far, and that I haven't found any grammatical errors or missing words gives me a lot of hope.
3:46AM:
I have officially breached 13 hours straight of working on this paper.
3:50AM:
This paper is good. It may not be the finest paper I've ever written, but it is good.
3:54AM:
Final readthrough is finished. Works Cited page has been attached and properly formatted. The paper itself is completely done, and I've emailed a copy of it to myself in case of catastrophic computer failure. I'm finished. For fuck's sake, I'm finished with my last paper of the semester.
...So there you have it, folks. There's a step-by-step process of how I write a 15-total-page research paper in the span of one day. One. Day. Here's hoping my professor likes it and that I do well on it. I am a paper-writing god.
On that note, I am going the fuck to bed, and hope I don't wake up until mid-afternoon. G'night.
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