SEVEN DAAAAAAAYS
Ahem.
I put together a message list last night via Facebook so that all six of us in the Raiding Party (also known as the "Knot Lot" or "Wedding Posse") can communicate back and forth in private about putting together plans, travel arrangements and the like as we lead up to the wedding.
This may have been a mistake. It seems that I have created a monster. A five-headed dragon hell-bent on somehow destroying me (metaphorically speaking) in the days leading up to my wedding.
Some of the best quotes thus far (names withheld, of course):
1. "What day do we crush your entire being with alcohol?"
2. "I hate few things in this world as much as I hate stretch humvees, so let's get one of those. I will christen it with a splash of red paint to signify its stateside status as a barbwire tattoo magnet, while everywhere else in the world serves as a principle target. I have no direct knowledge of Omaha's seedy underworld, but I will research. I see here the experience of my misspent youth shall again pay its generous dividends."
"I'm in."
"Clearly, you are King of the Misfits. LEAD US."
"FOLLOW ME TO VICTORY!"
"Is that what they're calling jail cells now?"
3. "I was going to say something along the lines of survival is good, but survival with all limbs, extremeties, and bodily organs functioning is better."
"I only need one hand, most of my legs, and all of my vital organs."
4. "I've always wanted to dress you like a Hobbit" and "C'mon, you've got the feet for it..."
...this group has been in existence for less than twenty-four hours, folks. Can anyone imagine the ideas that will be brought forth over the course of the next nine months?
Misfit pirates, ahoy.
I am totally satisfied and put at ease by this, honestly. These people are my friends and family, and people I love and trust. They're also going to do everything they can to make the experience fun and awesome. I'm not exactly down for any sort of traditional "bachelor party" type of thing, though; I've never been that sort of person and have never wanted one, really. I told Daisy to do whatever she wants for her bachelorette party, if she has one, but for me? Eh. I'll just be happy to have everyone together and in one place. We could go crazy through the streets of Omaha, or we could sit in a quiet bar or restaurant and be happy and more laid back. It doesn't matter to me one way or another. What's important is being around my friends and loved ones -- who, in this case, are one and the same.
I created yet another monster tonight as well -- and that monster is me.
I have, every week, a few errands I need to take care of, even when not much is going on. I generally keep a to-do list for myself. Today, for example, that to-do list was to refill the water bottle in my fridge, take a shower and run the load of laundry consisting of my grass-mowing clothes and shoes, recreate and rewrite my English 101 syllabus and first unit lesson plan (something I'll write more about in a bit), go out grocery shopping, and make waffles for Daisy for when she arrives in about 36 hours. I accomplished all of these things, but I created a monster of myself along the way. And I'll tell you how.
As you folks probably know -- at least those of you who go to Walmart on a regular basis -- Walmart continually rotates their clothing stock. I've actually had one Walmart or another in my life since the first one was built in Morgantown in the early '90s while I was growing up there, and I've watched their clothing selection, which was originally quite limited and consisting of mainly blue jeans, underwear/socks, and cheap workshirts, blossom into massive clothing centers of sorts over the past fifteen years or so, places where you can find damn near anything you want at a pretty reasonable price. It used to be shameful to say that you got most of your clothing from Walmart. Now it's really not anymore. And, really, anytime I need something fairly basic, whether that's the aforementioned socks, underwear, or jeans or something else, Walmart is where I go. I'm not necessarily proud of that, but I'm certainly not ashamed of it. My favorite pants, and I own several pairs of them, are black, Wrangler carpenter pants I purchased from Walmart a few years ago, for example. I have a large number of comic-book-related t-shirts, both Marvel and DC. Over the past three years or so, the vast majority of them have been purchased at Walmart. Not kidding. Yes, I have some obscure ones I've gotten from Amazon and the like, but most of them are $7.50 Walmart tees. My favorite sandals came from there, I get almost all of my white t-shirts and dye for tie-dyeing there, etc. I could go on, but I'm pretty sure you get the point.
My overall point is that they rotate their clothing stock a lot, and add a ton more to it while marking everything old down on clearance at different times of the year. As fall is rapidly approaching, they're trying to clear out their stock of shorts and short-sleeved shirts as quickly as possible, so, for example, all of those are on clearance right now. I ended up picking up three nice, plaid button-up shirts for $5 each, shirts which will be good shirts for me to teach in this fall. I now probably have enough somewhat dressier clothing to teach in for a few weeks at a time. Supplemented with my stock of fleece pullovers/jackets and zip-up hoodies, jackets, and sweaters, I should be just fine for the fall semester when it comes to somewhat respectable adjunct professor attire. I hated to spend the extra $15, but I do need these things; I am no longer a graduate student simply teaching a few classes to get free tuition and a small paycheck -- I am now a professor, living completely off that paycheck, more... adult(?) and more respected, and I can't get away with teaching every day in my Batman shirts and board shorts.
Well, I probably could, but it's not necessarily a good look for all-the-time anymore.
But then, I saw it, and those things I wrote about above went completely out the window. I became a monster when, and because, I purchased this:
No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is, indeed, a rainbow tie-dye shirt with a screenprinted cat on it. And yes, I plan to wear it. A lot.
You may think this is the tackiest thing you have ever seen, and I would be inclined to agree with you. It is as if the clothiers of Walmart dove deep into my brain's subconscious while I was sleeping and picked out two of the most prevalent things in my life, two things which help to define me as a person -- tie-dye and cats -- and combined them in a wholly unholy fashion into the monstrosity you see above. I was drawn to it. It was like hypnosis. I don't remember seeing it, I only remember mindlessly picking it up and putting into the cart, because for some inexplicable reason I was not leaving the store without that shirt in my possession.
Also, the cat in question looks remarkably similar to my cat Sadie, or "my shadow," as I call her, since she rarely leaves my side:
There's this too:
Ahem.
Anyway. I am going to be that guy, the guy who wears that shirt un-ironically in public places. I'm planning to wear it this week when I go to campus to pick up my other course materials and office stuff, partially because I can and partially because it's sort of my last blast of being able to wear whatever I want, whenever I want when I'm on campus -- starting a week from today, as I mentioned before, I have to exude at least a bare minimum of class most of the time. That shirt is totally classless and I know it full well; it may not be as bad as my shirt displaying the graphic of a guy giving two middle fingers and saying "Welcome to Wichita," but it does not have class and sticks out like a sore thumb. It's more of a special occasions shirt, much as the "Welcome to Wichita" shirt. That one I almost feel as if I should bequeath to an incoming GTA whenever I make my final departure from the university -- whenever that may be, anyway.
I did get my other groceries at Walmart as planned; it's not like the cat shirt hypnotized me that much.
As mentioned above, one of my other tasks today was to redo, reorganize, and complete my 101 syllabus for this semester. I wrote here before about how the template syllabus emailed out to us was riddled with small errors and conflicting information; the class has been changed quite a bit since I last taught it in 2011. The interim writing director added a fifth paper, changed around a lot of the readings, and meticulously scheduled everything possible with almost no wiggle room for various small things or instructions that may occasionally pop up (such as when I notice, for example, that everyone is making the same exact error in a paper -- things like that need to be addressed). Our former department chair, who has once more re-assumed the position of Writing Program Director -- the position he had when I started grad school -- has taken the class back to form, and it is now operating with the original four-paper plan I always taught my class under, with very few other changes. This is different than what post-2011 grad students and other instructors have taught, so it will be an adjustment for them, but for me, this change isn't really a change at all; it's basically a return to the structure I always taught 101 under. It allowed me to re-craft his template syllabus and blend it with my own from two years ago, tweaking things here and there (changing page numbers to reflect those in the newer editions of the books, replacing one reading with another, etc), but for the most part I will be able to structure and run the same class I ran back then. As such, I completed overhauling my syllabus within an hour, and spent another half hour or so reworking the schedule for the entire first unit of the class. I now have a foundation, lesson plans, and a base of operations to work with -- and could dive right into teaching the class tomorrow if I wanted to. All I need is my class roster and to make copies of the syllabus.
My 011 class is not this simple. We are now less than a week from the start of classes and I still have no lesson plans, template syllabus to build my own from, or the class's required books. Suri, my friend who has taught 011 in the past, gave me a weekly lesson plan she constructed herself, but it is only one small piece of the puzzle, and not enough to create an entire class around. 011 is the remedial English class; it's a class that students who need more work in English before they take 101 and 102 test into, and it's a no-credit class as well (as far as I know, anyhow), meaning it doesn't count toward their total hours for any given degree program. As such, it focuses on the basics of writing -- the parts of speech, grammar, sentence structure, paragraph structure, etc. It is a wholly different class than English 101 or 102. While I could craft my own unique 011 course from scratch (I did this anyhow, basically, for my 681 "Editing American English" course's final project about eighteen months ago), I would much prefer to have a tried-and-true method of instruction instead of flying blind and solo into the jungle of remedial English. The person in charge of this program is the Director's wife, who -- as you may recall -- I have a great working relationship with already, as it was she who originally designed and helmed the Engineering English courses before I took over. She's very good about getting us course materials and allowing us to have our reign over our classes, so if I have to report to anyone as an adjunct professor, I'm glad it's her. She hasn't sent out anything yet about the sections of 011, though. Amanda, who is in my groo...ahem, Raiding Party, is teaching 011 for the first time this semester as well, and we're both looking forward to getting the materials for the class.
Being the proactive person I am with a really friendly, respectful working relationship with the Director's wife, I sent her a brief email earlier about teaching 011 this semester and needing the syllabus and any template lesson plans she has. I don't want to be or sound needy, of course, but I do need to get that stuff all finished, if possible, tomorrow or Wednesday so that I can print it out here at home and drop off a copy order for the syllabi on Thursday when Daisy and I go back to campus again. The 011 syllabus is critical to that mix, as it's the first class I teach on Monday.
"That might actually be a better idea," Suri said. I wasn't sure whether she was being sarcastic or not.
I also told the Director's wife that she could meet Daisy, referred to in my email as "my fiancee," if she was going to be around Thursday and could chat about the class and the like.
I know the department is busy; that much is apparent, what with all of the orientation stuff going on right up through Friday (I would assume, anyhow). I don't like bugging or bothering anyone when I don't have to, but I think a few days of advance notice on anything would be nice. That may not usually be how the department works, I know, but I'm naturally antsy and when I have work that needs to be done, it drives me up the wall if I can't do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. Add Daisy coming down here into the mix, and if I don't get it done ASAP, I'll likely be working on it all weekend up until I go to bed on Sunday night, not only losing my last few days of precious time off but also more than likely missing most of this weekend's NFL preseason games. I also have the new season of Community arriving on my doorstep today, and I have to pay my credit card bill and the re-registration on my car sometime relatively soon as well. I mean, I've already got stuff to do. I have to take care of what I can when I can.
Right now, however, it's incredibly late and I am incredibly tired. If I do not go to bed soon, I will not awaken until late afternoon.
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