Strange Vehicles

For something a bit different in this post (as I've been watching a lot of weird TV and movies as of late) I thought I'd go down a list of vehicles I've always wanted but will more than likely never own. I was inspired to do this mainly because of Breaking Bad -- not only have I always wanted a Pontiac Aztek like Walt drives, but I always loved the old-school design style of Skyler's Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Yeah. I have weird tastes. They get stranger, trust me.

1. 1975 Oldsmobile Starfire.

Basically the same as that year's Buick Skyhawk, I always had an affinity for this little car for some reason. I like its design. The '78 Starfire Firenza looked even more awesome. Neat little European-styled late-70s cars. Speaking of which...


2. 1982 Ford EXP.

 Pretty similar to the Starfire, I think. According to Wikipedia this was the first two-seater coupe that Ford made in 25 years. I used to see these everywhere on the roads even into the 90s, but now they've all but vanished. I love that hood/headlight design, along with the low-profile grille.

3. 1980s Honda CRX.

I always thought the CRX looked really cool. Compact possibly to a fault, and I'm guessing it probably didn't go well in the snow, but I loved its style and wheel designs. I had friends who drove CRXes and maintained them -- as you may know, Hondas are tanks and will run forever if you treat them right. However, there was one huge drawback to the CRX (that will forever be the reason I'll never own one) -- none of them were automatic. All of them were manual transmissions. I never want to own a manual-transmission car. I can drive one (badly), yes, but it's too much of a pain in the ass. I don't multitask well when driving -- I can't even smoke and drive at the same time without burning myself. 

4. Early 1990s Subaru SVX.

The SVX was such a cool car and waaaaaay ahead of its time. It was Subaru's "sports car," so to speak, and was only sold in the states for a few years. They go for pretty high prices these days because people like to trick them out and race them. I just wanted one because it looked futuristic, and because it's a Subaru, it has standard all-wheel drive just like all other Subarus do. And look at those scalloped windows!


5. 1984 Chevrolet Camaro Berlinetta.

Okay, there's a bit of a backstory behind this one -- when I was a kid, my aunt had this exact car pictured above -- silver, speedy, and gorgeous. A new kind of Camaro for a new age of American muscle. She totaled it in an accident after a few years, but going for rides in this car is one of the reasons I have such an appreciation for 80s designs and "muscle cars," so to speak, even after its muffler fell off on a shopping trip. Plus, have you ever seen the dash on one of these things? They called it Starship Camaro, for fuck's sake:

And I thought Knight Rider was cool. This was real.


6. 1988 Pontiac Fiero.

Okay, yeah, the Fiero had tons of problems (such as, um, catching on fucking fire) but it's such an awesome design that just screams mid-to-late 80s, especially with those wheels.


7. 1989 Toyota MR2.

Similar to the Fiero. Smaller. Boxier and more angled. Also rear-engined. One of my regular customers when I worked at the grocery store had one of these and told me what fun it was to drive it. I believed him.


8. 1997 Pontiac Bonneville (with Supercharger)

Basically the Pontiac counterpart to my Monte Carlo, I knew a guy in Missouri who had one of these decked out in black with red trim (like my Monte Carlo, ironically) and had spared no expense upon its purchase, getting every option including the high-end supercharged engine. I always really liked the design of the 90s Bonnevilles -- all at once a luxury sedan, a sports car, and a daily driver.


9. 2001 Chevrolet Impala SS.

As the Monte Carlo over the years changed its styling, I began to like its design less and less. The Impalas from this era, however, took most of the design cues from the Monte Carlo's revamp (including the low-to-the ground front end and the rear spoiler) to basically create the next generation of what my own car is. Chevrolet made tens of thousands of Impalas, and many of them were (and still are) used as police cruisers/interceptors. I've said for ages that my next car will more than likely be a Monte Carlo several years newer than mine is now, or an Impala from this era. There's something about those designs that speaks to my sensibilities.

Speaking of Monte Carlos...


10. 1988 Monte Carlo SS.

There really is something about me and 80s American muscle cars, isn't there? As well as black-with-red-trim paint schemes. And/or chrome wheels. I don't know. I can't explain it. I just know that when I see one of these on the street or in a parking lot, I tend to drool over it. The Monte Carlo SS models of the 80s looked much different than their normal counterparts, which totally looked like senior-citizen-mobiles:

Well, at least to a certain extent, anyway.


11. The Subaru BRAT.

Because if you lived in the 80s, please don't try to tell me you didn't want one of these things.


All (well, most) of these cars are probably attainable; none of them are so rare that I would never be able to find or afford one or all of them at some point, but finding one in a decent-enough, drive-able condition without needing extensive repairs before it goes out on the road is probably a different story. When was the last time you saw a Fiero, or an early-to-mid-80s Camaro (like the Berlinetta above) on the roads? Or a BRAT, for that matter? For me it's been many years, since almost all of them have rotted/rusted away or literally fell apart over the years.

You'll also note that there aren't really any "classic" cars on this list. While I'd like a 1966 Charger or Toronado, or a 1977 Trans Am as much as the next guy, it's not like I'll ever be able to get one of those on a professor's salary, and they're also not all that...well, unique. Most of these are cars which have either been forgotten or are at least somewhat attainable in one condition or another, possibly. They're designs I've found interesting, designs that I've particularly enjoyed and/or are pleasing to the eye and to the road (for me, of course; your opinion may differ).

Why did I write this post? Dunno. I was bored and wanted to write about cars. My Monte Carlo is in the garage (I put it there this afternoon to keep it out of yet another small snowstorm hitting tomorrow) and while it's running fine, I keep thinking about different vehicles. Maybe it's nostalgia and I'm remembering how cool the 80s was when it came to cars. Couldn't tell you. But here it is. Enjoy.