Nightmares and Nightmare-like Things

I went to bed around 9PM, had a terrible nightmare, and could not go back to sleep. At around 11, I gave up and came back upstairs. If I do go back to sleep tonight, it will more than likely be on the way-too-small-for-me-lengthwise couch upstairs in the living room.

The book, surprisingly, has been selling moderately well. If you look to your upper left above my profile, I've posted a direct link to the page for it on Amazon. Suri purchased a copy and has been enjoying it quite a bit, but has taken the initiative to tell me that despite the careful reads and edits I've made, she's still found a typo or two. Oh well. I went through another re-edit and re-upload of the manuscript a few nights ago, to see if I could rectify (or at least better) the formatting errors and bunched text that occurs with the transition to the Kindle format. From the preview I saw, even after spending hours upon hours trying to get the Kindle version to look like the actual manuscript -- which, I assure you, indeed is a book, and a properly-formatted one at that -- my work didn't do much good. Everything is still somewhat screwy in the transition to electronic format, and I ask you to bear with it if you're willing to purchase and read the book. For those of you who have purchased it previously and have noticed all of these weird formatting changes (excluding Suri, who bought it after I attempted to fix most of them), you might want to see if you can "reload" or what-have-you, to see if you can get the newest version to see if that helps. Like I said, I don't know why it's all screwy in some places; it doesn't affect its readability, just how it looks on the "digital page."

The problem is that it makes me look unprofessional as an author, which is what irritates me. It makes me look like I don't know what paragraphs, chapters, and line/page breaks are. In the print version, which will be coming soon (because I am sick of all of these issues, frankly) once I can figure out how to do it, it will be rectified.

I should have been asleep four hours ago. I don't know if I'll get back to sleep at all now.

I have decided I will more than likely go to the grad student mixer, even if it may not be a great idea for me. It will, however, get me out of the house, and Suri is planning to go as well -- possibly bringing her longtime boyfriend, who I have yet to meet. It looks like a lot of us -- at least those of us who already know about it -- are going to the mixer. I get the feeling that most of us usually attend the events at the museum, if only because free beer is provided, and there's no limit -- meaning, once you're there, unless you're vomiting, they won't cut you off. Even If I do nothing but get out of the house for a few hours and spend a little time with some friends before coming back home, it will be better for my mental state than sitting here staring at the cats and worrying about the papers I need to write/grade. Three of the guys, one of whom is my officemate, are musicians and are playing what appears to be at least two different shows at the Donut Whole (the best donut/coffee shop in Wichita) afterwards, which I imagine most of my colleagues will be attending as well. Depending on my state of inebriation by the time the mixer is over, I'll probably attend that as well -- though I'll be hitching a ride from someone, to be sure, if I do. If anything, coffee and donuts can only serve to sober me up.

I may be able to have an old friend from West Virginia come visit me at some point this semester for at least a few days; we've been trying to arrange something for a while now. I hesitate to say much more for fear that I'll not only jinx myself but because it's a rather private sort of thing, and it's one of those situations that I don't really feel comfortable writing about here (and I may not even write about it if she does end up coming to visit, at least not for a while anyhow), though it is someone I've mentioned here in the blog in the past month or so. If she does get to make it out here, it will be fun to catch up, and it will be like a little piece of home visiting me here in my humble abode. I've even ordered a $30 self-inflating airbed for any and all visiting guests (or me) to sleep on. Despite owning a king-size bed and only ever using one side of it, it would probably be more than a bit creepy for any of my female friends to share it with me, even with my promises that I wouldn't violate them in the night.

Hm. Violate them in the night. There's a line for one of my poems.

Anyway.

I miss my friends and family in West Virginia; that, of course, should go without saying at this point. I've not lived out there since November 2006, and that makes five years this fall. I've visited twice since I moved out here, but both times I was barely able to catch up with anyone from high school or college except for Andrea and my friends Travis and Matt. Schedule conflicts (or the fact that most of my other friends got out of the state and disappeared) hindered much other interaction with anyone I knew, and Morgantown is much different now compared to how it was when I left it. As much as I don't necessarily want to move back to West Virginia after I graduate in 2013, I may end up doing it anyway if I can find a job there or if other circumstances that shall, for the moment, remain unwritten -- fall into place.

As I said before, there are many things going on behind the scenes that I, as of yet, refuse to write about, and there are many variables in play. Nothing bad, mind you; I'm just working in a lot of different arenas right now, so to speak, and there are very few people I care to discuss it with.

No, before you ask, I'm not doing gay porn. Believe me, I'm not...ahem...talented enough to do regular porn. Shit, I'm not talented enough to be the cameraman.

I've decided that my next book isn't necessarily going to be a simple memoir of graduate school, but rather something along the lines of humorous memoir combined with tips on how to survive it. That is, of course, provided I survive it first. It will take a while to write if that's what I choose to do, and while I will include stories that I've touched upon in the blog over the years, none of the content in it will directly come from here. I fancy myself a humorist, a nonfictionist -- this sort of writing is what I'm best at, like it or not. Might as well make it work for me.

Aside from the cable bill, which arrives now on a different payment schedule since the internet account was switched into my name, today I paid all of the other bills for the house, as well as wrote out the check to the former girlfriend to repay her for the deposit on this place that she signed over to my name last month. With my trips to Walmart and the Dollar Tree on Sunday, as well as the gas I put in my car on top of that, I have spent entirely too much money in the past week, but it couldn't be avoided. We are, at least, getting paid again now -- and will actually receive three paychecks this month because of when the paydates fall -- so at least my bank account isn't bleeding itself to death anymore. Now, it's just a minor wound that's slowly oozing.

Truth be told, even with the regular paychecks, I still spend more money per month than I bring in, in bills and rent alone -- and I am not, of course, counting food for myself and the cats, or the +/-$100 in gas I'll put in the Monte Carlo over any given month of classes. We, as GTAs alone, make less than $800 a month.

No, I'm not kidding. See why any function offering free beer is so enticing to us?

It would be impossible for me to survive had I not taken the student loan I accepted for the fall/spring. My rent here is relatively low for the place I have (a place like this would easily be $800 a month in Wichita), but the cost of it at all -- as well as the cost of gas -- makes surviving on less than $400 every two weeks nearly impossible. Would I be able to save money on gas if I had a newer, more fuel-efficient car? Probably, but I can't afford a new car, and the costs would be negligible over the long run at best. Would it be cheaper to live in Wichita? Maybe, but not incredibly likely. Not with three cats, and I'd more than likely have to make the sacrifice of having about 1/2 to 1/3 of the space I have now, with no garage and the possibility of getting mugged, shot, or stabbed at any given time.

As an aside, if the Monte Carlo ever does blow a major, expensive part that I can't afford to fix, I've already made the vow that I'll be looking for another Monte Carlo of around the same model year (though hopefully in better condition) almost immediately. Even with its problems, I have to say I love that car. It's like owning a low-rent Batmobile -- it's sleek, fast, and its engine has a growl like no other car I've driven, with the exception of the '91 Trans Am I test-drove in Hutchinson a month or so before I bought the Monte Carlo.

The only reason I didn't buy that car, as some of you know, is because the gas pedal had problems -- you literally had to mash it to the floor to get the car to move, an issue indicative of much larger problems I'd eventually have to deal with, more than likely.

It is 2:15 AM. Fuck it, I said to myself. I made coffee. I'm awake for the long haul now.

Today I'll teach at 9:30 and 11, but after that I'm done and can come home to crash, if needed and/or warranted. I need to get to the post office on my way home from classes so that I can mail out a volley of thank-you packages to friends, as well as a birthday/thank-you package (with card and presents) to Andrea. Luckily, I don't have to get up early on Wednesday morning, as I don't have class until 1:30. This means, basically, that once I get home tomorrow I can go to bed and sleep any time I want for as long as I want in order to reboot my system. Damned nightmares. I was originally tired tonight, too.

The nightmare, in case you were wondering, was about the friend who may come visit me sometime this fall, and the consequences of me somehow finding a way to screw up that visit. Pretty tame, yes, but then again it's not like I lead a wild life.

X-Men: First Class comes out on DVD on Friday (yeah, I know, weird release date; I'm just going by what Amazon tells me). I'm considering organizing a watch party here at the house for those nerds and/or nerdy ladies who would like to see it on my new (small) HDTV, but who haven't had the chance yet. Phenomenal film if you read and like the comics. Highly recommended. Of course, if I'm going to do that, I actually need to purchase the film first. If anyone's interested, let me know. Please visit me; I won't molest you.

I haven't heard anything from my parents in several days; it's been radio silence from them over the long weekend, so who knows what's going on back home.

Yes, I realize this post is de-evolving into just random observations and thoughts. Right now that's what I need.

I found a can of hair mousse that the former girlfriend left behind when she moved. I'm glad she left it, because it's perfect for styling my new, shorter hair into a sort of "spiked up" look.

I showered last night before bed, but will probably shower again in about an hour or so just so I can shave, trim the beard, and re-mousse the hair. Yes, for a while at least, I'm going to be one of those guys who uses product in his hair. The very thought of it makes me shudder, but I look good, so for the moment it may be a necessary evil. I really can't wait to see my students' reactions to my haircut today in class. Hell, I can't wait to see some of my colleagues' reactions as well.

Speaking of colleagues, I've spoken with a few of them at length about getting together once a week or so to record a podcast of some sort, even if it's something that we have to record in my office on campus. Headsets and microphones are incredibly cheap -- I just bought a VOIP microphone/headphone set for Skype use on Amazon for $10 -- and with all sorts of recording software available both commercially and free (especially for Linux systems like mine) I am serious about getting some sort of podcast off the ground, hopefully involving the themes of grad school/humor/poetry/life in general. I could record it now from my house and put it on the web myself, but I really need guests/cohosts to get some good conversations going. Just me talking isn't going to do much as I live a really boring life.

As for Skype itself, as I've just installed the program within the past two weeks and have been learning how to use it, it's awesome. Almost all the time when I'm on the computer now and have free time to talk, I've got it online at the ready to make/receive calls, or talk to friends via its IM function. I don't have a camera, but I can see how it will prove indispensable in the future for contact between friends not only here in town, but in other cities/states.

On that note, as I've basically run out of anything to write about that will either keep me awake longer or keep you reading longer, I'm off to shower and, if tired enough afterwards, collapse on the couch for an hour or so before I have to start my day and head off to campus. I have the feeling that it's going to feel much longer than it actually will last. Maybe if I'm really tired I'll hold off on the post office stuff until tomorrow morning, so that I can just come home and crash.