(actually about seven hours)
I saw this photo last night on a website I visit often, and thought that I'd share it with you folks, because it poses a very interesting (if self-serving) question that a lot of you -- if you've got a mind like I do, anyway -- could ponder on.
My answer?
For the purposes of my answer, I'm going to assume that this would be a sort of "Groundhog Day" scenario that lasts for only one day. Because really, that's the explanation that makes the most sense in reference to the question -- as doing whatever one wants for one day and then erasing it and going back to normal makes no real sense if there's nothing to be gained from it. If there's nothing to be gained from it and you just get a "do over," it's akin to an extra life in a video game; you die and start over from your last save point, erasing all of your hard work, with no progress. Also, if you "erased" the day and started over, you wouldn't remember anything you did. Therefore, in my eyes there would be no point in doing anything if that's what the question's intention is.
So, like I said, for the purposes of my answer to it, we're all going to assume that this poorly-worded question implies a one-day "Groundhog Day" scenario, meaning that no matter what you do on the day before it's erased at the end of the 24 hours, you still retain the knowledge of what you did and you're the only one who knows what has happened during said day when you "reboot" it the next day.
This means that during those 24 hours, just like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, you're basically a god. Or at least you're psychic, because you know exactly how that day is going to play out when it cycles around again. What can be accomplished in but one day? Well, here's what I would do:
1. Get up early, go to the nearest expensive restaurant, and have a huge meal of real food. Since the day is going to be erased anyhow, it's not like I'd have to pay for it, really.
2. Talk to several friends, get the rundown of everything that is going on in their lives, down to the exact details -- good and bad. This will be important later.
3. Check the newspaper and the prices on all of the stocks I've been interested in, as well as research the terms "blind trust" and "interest bearing account." Again, this will be important later.
4. Be on the lookout and keep an eye on the news for anything big or important that happens during that day, especially preventable occurrences like car accidents, shootings, terrorist attacks, or other acts of violence that may or may not incur a loss of life. Make notes on exact places/times/people involved in them.
5. Rent a really fast, dangerous-to-drive-at-high-speeds car, and take the time (an hour or two at most) getting used to how it handles and drives on the Kansas roads here, making sure it's something I'd like to drive on a regular basis -- meaning it's practical as well as fun. I'm thinking something along the lines of a new Camaro or Challenger. Memorize all of the little details and nuances about the car. Again, this will be important later. Return it to the rental place.
6. Go to a different high-end restaurant, order a large and extravagant meal. Again, it's not like I'll have to pay for it.
7. Return home, talk to several women I would normally never dream of asking out, about the prospects of a romantic/sexual relationship with me. Be as up-front and blunt about it as possible. Ask questions. Gauge reactions. Make mental notes. Depending on each woman, tact and/or being a gentleman about it is optional -- as, after all, what's important is how they react and whether they've been secretly interested in me, or whether they'd be DTF. No, I'm not going to explain what DTF means, as most of you reading this are intelligent people and should already know.
8. Once I've thoroughly alienated and/or disgusted most of the women I know with my up-front advances and blunt questions, taking notes on the ones who were receptive to them and disregarding the others, I'd then watch the news and make note of any happenings/crimes I've missed, along with their times and the names of the people involved.
9. Now, at 11PM, the most important step of all: make note of the lottery drawings for Mega Millions and Powerball for that day. Memorize these numbers until I can recite them in my sleep, running them through my head over and over until I could remember them twenty years from now. This will take a little time, but memorization is important because I'm not sure if I'd be able to keep any of the notes I've written down over the course of the day once said day gets erased.
10. Once those numbers are fully memorized with no danger of forgetting them, go to bed. The day is over. It will be erased and will restart in the morning.
Day two: the redo!
1. Get up early, again. Go somewhere that sells lottery tickets, and buy one Mega Millions ticket and one Powerball ticket, using the winning numbers I've memorized to fill it out by hand. Keep these tickets on my person at all times throughout the rest of the day, secure and waiting. In doing this, I now know that I am financially set for life once the numbers are drawn that night. Return home, make coffee and smoke, and have a normal morning breakfast. Play with the cats, etc, live life as normal.
2. Go through the mental (or, if possible, physical) list of events I saw happen on the news the day before, as I know exactly what's going to happen. Any violence-or-death-related events, as I know the names of the people involved and when/where said things will happen, I plug into the white pages, find the phone numbers of the people who will be hurt or killed in car accidents, shootings, etc -- and call them. Tell them that (in the case of a car accident) that they should wait five to ten extra minutes before leaving for work that morning. I also call the ones who, in the case of a shooting, should should stay home or not visit the location of said shooting today. I do this for everyone I can remember from the newspaper and on the news, so that lives are saved. In the case of a big crime, such as a bank robbery or a hostage situation, I call in anonymous tips to the police so that said events can be stopped before they start.
3. Talk to the same friends I talked to on the previous morning, and tell them that I'm psychic -- something which they'll laugh off until I tell them the minute details of what's going on in their lives, down to what they're wearing. This will completely freak them out and make them think that I've somehow installed a camera in their home or workplace, even though most of my friends live 1,000 miles away in West Virginia. Bonus points if I can remember their exact thoughts and phrasing the way they said things the previous morning. This is, of course, a truly self-serving and pranksterish thing to do, but remember, I did gather all information on their lives that I could, good and bad. The bad things that can be fixed with money? Well, remember that I have not one, but two winning lottery tickets in my pocket.
4. Max out my credit cards online, purchasing everything I've wanted/needed over the course of the past six to eight months but could never afford due to being a poor graduate student. Use any remaining money I can to buy stock in the companies I researched the day prior.
5. Call one of the ladies who was receptive to my advances the night before -- the one who, in my research, would probably be the "best fit" for me, and tell her that I'd like to take her out for dinner and drinks that night. Do not let her know what I know. If first choice refuses for one reason or another, move to second choice. Disregard all women who weren't receptive to me, but make a mental note of how all of them treated me so that I can brutally crush them later if they attempt to hook up with me once the lottery numbers are drawn.
6. Take said lady out to dinner and drinks with the last of the money in my bank account, bring her home to my place for, well, you know. Tell her nothing of the riches that I will soon acquire, so that the experience isn't tainted by dollar signs in her eyes.
7. Once she has passed out from alcohol and exhaustion (giggity), turn on the news and smile smugly about how all of the stories are different, chuckling about all of the "anonymous tipster" calls that have come in and prevented what would have been a lot of violence and death. Feel glad that I made all of these calls anonymously from a prepaid phone, from a number that had never been used before (as I have several extra SIM cards laying around). This prevents me from being traced or becoming a "suspect" in any of the crimes that would've taken place.
8. Finally, watch the lottery drawing live, confirming my numbers on the tickets, and becoming financially set for life as a multimillionaire not from just one jackpot, but two. Put the tickets somewhere safe (which is anywhere, really, as nobody knows I have them) and go to bed. Day ends. Lives have been saved and/or altered for the better. I've not only solved all of my money problems, but freaked out some of my friends for fun, wined/dined/bedded a woman I never would've had the confidence to ask out without foreknowledge, purchased stock in companies that have a strong track record of rising stock prices, and have already done all the research I need to be able to manage my money quietly without any outside interference.
The aftermath!
1. Get up in the morning, take woman home and be a complete gentleman about everything; this starts the relationship off on an awesome note. Make future plans.
2. Go to a high-priced, respected attorney, explain situation, and set up a "blind trust" with the knowledge I researched two days before. This assures that any money that goes into said trust will be accessible only to me and will be kept silent from the media.
3. Take the first ticket to the lottery office, elect to remain completely anonymous, and cash it in. Explain the blind trust and attorney situation, and do anything and everything I need to do to ensure that my newfound wealth stays quiet and out of the media and/or public eye. Tell no one, and on this first ticket, take the cash option.
4. Go home, live life as normal for a few days (as it takes a while for lottery winnings to be processed and bequeathed to the winner). Watch my stocks. When they've risen enough in value to not only make my money back but provide enough for me to live on in the interim until I get my winnings, sell them and use the cash to live on. This is the only really risky part of the plan, as some of these stocks may decrease in price unexpectedly.
5. Call the university and tell them something along the lines of "my financial circumstances have forced me to, regrettably, leave the program -- effective immediately." They would, of course, assume that I'd meant I'd run out of money, not the opposite. This is all the information they'd need to know. After all, who needs an MFA program when you're financially set for life and can open your own publishing house to publish your works (and many others' works)?
6. Begin playing with all of the delightful new items and toys I've received in the mail because I'd maxed out my credit cards a few days prior. One of those new toys would be a new MacBook Pro.
7. Continue research into high-end, interest-bearing bank accounts, and pick a bank that is very, very unlikely to ever fail or default. Make a note of it.
8. Take out woman again for more food and drink. Attempt to make it official.
9. Finally, the first lottery winnings clear, and I receive them. As I took the cash option, I get it all at once. Keep a million or so in cash -- yes, in bills -- and put most of the rest into the blind trust, saving enough for the interest-bearing bank account to be able to live off of said interest very, very comfortably. Again, tell no one -- not even the woman or my family, about anything that has transpired, including leaving school.
10. Go to the car dealership which sells the car I'd rented from the car rental company a few days prior. As I now know how to drive it and how it handles, purchase said car, with all the options. Pay in cash. Park it in the garage. Celebrate by going out for dinner and drinks with the woman again, taking the Monte Carlo.
11. Remember my friends who were having problems that money could fix? Slowly begin fixing those problems a little at a time, one by one, telling them I'd come into inheritance money from a relative I barely knew (or something).
12. Pay off all student loan and credit card debt in one fell swoop.
13. Take Monte Carlo to a high-end repairer/restorer, and tell them to fully restore it to showroom condition -- money is not an option -- and to add several enhancements like a nitrous system, new wheels/tires, and a new paint job. Drop $10k in cash on the table, if not more, and tell them that this will entail basically gutting the car and replacing every mechanical part down to the engine, transmission, drivetrain, wiring and electronics, interior, stereo, etc. As I adore the Monte Carlo and she's gotten me through a lot, I would of course keep her and drive her -- probably more than the new car.
14. Finally, when things start to settle down (so, say a month or so)....cash in the second winning ticket, this time not really giving a shit about the media or who knows I won, as I'm already financially set and have a lot more than anyone knows about. On this one, do the "annuity" option, so that I get a regular "paycheck" every year for thirty years. This money will go towards my friends and family to put them in nice homes, nice cars, extravagant lifestyles, and to solve all of their problems that can be solved by my money. It will also go towards creating and incorporating my own publishing company, with which I will publish my own works and the works of my friends who are struggling in the writing world, with almost all profits going back to them. And yes, I will of course donate a shitload of money to charity, including no-kill humane societies and the DAV.
Oh yeah, folks. I've meticulously thought this stuff through. That's a writer's mind for you, I suppose. It's almost like I concocted an evil-genius-like master plan, isn't it? Well, that's the sort of thing one can do if you get a "do over" sort of day.
What would you do?
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