Sturdier

Spring semester: day thirty
Countdown to Comps: one month

A month from today (or tomorrow, depending on which day I'm scheduled), I take my comprehensive exam. I'm nervous -- a lot more nervous than I should be, really. I don't know why; in the past several weeks, I've been spending a lot of time reading and studying, so much that I've put off other things that are more important for the time being, such as finalizing my thesis and getting it ready-to-print and submit. I've actually tried to make a little headway on that today, really -- I've ordered a special ream of acid-free paper on which I must print two archival copies of my thesis for the library to bind, and I've been hard at work editing poems in and out. I've added a new poem I've been working on, and took out a few that didn't overall fit the theme of my thesis (which is, loosely, "love, loss, and heartbreaks caused and suffered"). It's sitting at 45 pages right now, with about 40 of that being the actual poems and the others being the cover pages, special thanks, table of contents, etc. I only need 25 pages of actual poetry, but I'm an overachiever. Yep. It'll be about 50 pages, give or take, when it's done, and once I call it done, I have to call it done -- meaning I can't focus on or work on it anymore at all. I have but a week and a half to finish it, and I can honestly call it about 95% done and ready as-is. I've put all of the "official" necessary opening pages into it (for the university and the program, not me) and have now added page numbers and have fixed the formatting (I was told that the rather elegant-in-my-opinion sans-serif font I used, URW Gothic, gave people headaches).

Daisy had a second job interview this afternoon with the company that was not RayRal, but a similar (well, somewhat similar) firm. She apparently wowed the hell out of the interview staff -- oh yeah, that's my girl -- and less than an hour after she got home, they called and offered her the job. She accepted. Daisy now has a steady job again, and has to cancel her interviews and withdraw her applications for the other positions and places she was interested in. This is a management position, too. The only drawback is that she will be working night shifts, something like 9PM to 7AM, and this will (for a while, anyway) drastically change our communication schedule as she works and as I finish up my degree here in these next two months or so. But, I will add, the money is good and she will get three-day weekends every week. They're also willing to work with her around my graduation date as well, so she can come to town over that weekend. She starts a week from today, on the 11th -- which means she'll have to get back home rather quickly on Sunday after she comes down here this weekend.

I couldn't be happier for Daisy, really; she's been unemployed and searching for work for almost four months now, and has been worried (though she'd never show it) about finances and the like. I've been worried about her finances as well; this hasn't exactly been a secret either on here or between us. This company she'll be working for offers multiple opportunities for career advancement, and it seems like a job she'll enjoy doing. It's the first step down a long path to where we will both be financially stable and comfortable eventually, and (I would imagine) it takes a huge weight off of her shoulders.

Me? I'm still here in Kansas, workin' on this whole poetry thing and continuing to desperately avoid the real world.

As you folks know, there are lots of things I worry about, to the point where sometimes, I can't sleep at night. I had a hard time sleeping last night anyway, for example -- the humidifier is wayyyyy too loud and I'll definitely have to get used to it; it sounds like a constant coffee pot steaming and gurgling, and I had to unplug it in order to get some real rest, and the electric blanket was too hot, so I had to turn it off. First world problems, whine whine whine, I know, but still. I've also had some rather troubling social issues pop up over the past few days with several friends -- nothing that really affects me directly, but enough to make me worry, and in the midst of all of this, of course, I'm still dealing with the crushing pressure of I'm not sure I can study and/or read enough for this exam, not to mention and I'm grading papers, and I'm creating lesson plans, and I'm doing everything else I normally must do to keep the proverbial wheels greased (paying bills, getting groceries, and the like). Until last night, I hadn't even showered since Wednesday. I realize that probably sounds disgusting, but also keep in mind that I never leave the house if I can avoid it -- there's so much on my plate at any given time that it's really difficult to stay on top of everything without forgetting something important. For example, I forgot that hey, I'm meeting with the visiting writer again tomorrow, so I should probably do the assignments she sent to us last week, right? Yeah. That would help.

My parents back home are set to get a big snowstorm tomorrow night -- Winter Storm Saturn, they're calling it (apparently, unless they've given it yet another goofy name). My mother sent me a message this morning saying that there are at least three different projected snowfall models, and if it moves through just right, it could be as bad as the Blizzard of 1993.

First off, nothing's going to be as bad as the '93 Blizzard. For those of you who weren't in the northeast when that happened, count yourselves lucky -- three to four feet of snow, with eight foot snowdrifts and below-zero temperatures isn't going to be topped anytime soon unless you live in Canada or Alaska or someplace similar.

O, Canada, our home and native landddd....

I checked the weather back home for her this morning, and their storm projections from the NWS at present time is similar to what we had here in Kansas with the last storm -- 8-14 inches or so, roughly. That's on par with an average storm back home, though it may get worse between now and when it hits. I told my mother that I would tell her "I hope you have enough food," but I've seen the pantry and refrigerator in that house. My parents stock up on stuff, as I've mentioned, like the zombie apocalypse is imminent.

To keep up/catch up on my comps reading and studying, I read about 50-60 pages of Sharon Olds tonight, finishing her collection (and therefore knocking one more book off my list) and started in on my C.K. Williams collection, reading 130-140 pages of that -- about half the book -- before calling myself done for the day. I told Daisy that if I can read and study that much every day between now and April 4-5, I will be satisfied with myself. Of course, I won't get to read much this coming weekend, if at all, since she'll be here. I still think I can do it with a bit of time to spare, hopefully. I do have all of Spring Break, after all.

Tomorrow is my long day on campus as per the usual Tuesday schedule -- I have to teach, then have office hours, then have visiting writer, and then do my hour in the Writing Center. Task after task after task. I also have two students who have scheduled appointments with me during my office hours as well, as they want me to look over their papers (which I'm happy to do) before they turn them in. Right now it's cold and rainy -- let's hope that trend doesn't continue for my morning commute.