New Year's Resolutions 2022

 Hi folks. Happy New Year.

This is a simple post -- it is a list of 22 things I'd like to accomplish in 2022. Some of them will likely be easier than others. Some may be impossible. Let's dive in and explore them together, shall we?

1. Reach my (first) target goal weight of under 300 pounds, and keep going.

  

This one should come as no surprise. I have plunged into the 330s after being at nearly 380 in 2017-2018. 2022 should see that trend (hopefully) continuing with some patience and discipline.

 

2. Write the novel, complete it, and edit it -- to get it as clean as possible to shop around to publishers/agents -- and do so.

 

This is my other big goal for the year and the reason this site will not have a large amount of content posted for 2022. I need the novel to be my ticket out of needing to work a day job for the rest of my life, so anything I can do to make that happen, I'm going to devote all the time possible to it. It will not be easy. There are times where it will likely be quite frustrating and maddening. But..I just have to get it done.

3. Declutter the fuck out of this house -- sell/trash/donate/recycle everything possible.

 

This will likely be my big project for the winter/spring months while it's cold. So much needs to go. I've already got a donation bag going for old clothing from my closet, and Daisy will be gutting her upstairs office soon too in order to completely reorganize it. I'm so tired of being surrounded by just...shit. Things. Stuff that needs to go away. This extends itself to old comics, games, books, housewares, shoes, electronics, old prescription glasses, papers that need to be shredded, expired foods in the cupboards, etc. I want to leave no part of the house untouched. 

4. Get on a gym schedule and stick to it.

 

I have not been to the gym since August. Daisy goes once or twice every few weeks. I need to get into the habit of getting back there and working out hard once or twice a week. This will be one of the most difficult goals on the list to accomplish, because time and energy are both very large factors in it. 

5. Finally stop the vaping habit.

 

This was on my goals for 2021 as well, and yeah, that didn't happen. I still have a ton of batteries, supplies, and working devices that I'm very obviously not just going to throw in the trash, as all of them cost me a great deal of money over the past seven (yes, seven) years now. That being said, I have gotten rid of a lot of the stuff I'd been keeping for "backup" purposes -- old tanks I'll never have coils for again, old wires/tools/etc I'll never use -- even some old devices that didn't really work that well or no longer served a purpose to me. But, the fact remains that I still have a lot of stuff to go through, and juice is readily available to me at the shop down the street. 

6. Do everything I can to get rid of the diabetes.

Look, I understand that this might not be an achievable goal, and it sort of goes hand in hand with the weight-loss and gym goals above. But, honestly, it's not inconceivable. My diabetes isn't that awful and isn't untreatable. I feel as if my diet has made amazing amounts of progress over the course of the past eight months or so -- though there are times where I'll order and eat an entire pizza or two over the course of a day or two, and there are times where I want a fuckton of ramen or rice. I've pared down that stuff as much as possible and have tried to make those events rare and appropriate, with pretty high levels of success most of the time. 

7. Get my next tattoo on my 40th birthday at the end of the year.

Yes, this is basically a given.

8. Take the time and money necessary to travel for family events where possible.

Daisy has a "family reunion" of sorts in Canada in the summer, that centers around one of her cousins' weddings. We'll be going to that without question, barring any unforeseen circumstances. I also need to see my parents again and get the last items out of the house in WV, and Daisy has also mentioned wanting to go back to Maine at some point. I don't know how or where we're going to get the money or time to do any/all of this -- I simply don't accrue that much PTO over any given year -- but what is possible we will make happen.

9. Overhaul my attitude and mental health (as I can).

This encompasses a lot of different things, both big and small. Daisy wants me to go see a therapist. While I am not planning to do that (money/insurance coverage, time, and transportation are all large factors there, plus the fact that I have no desire or perceived need to go to one), I do need to look introspectively at myself and examine why and how I act and feel the way I do a lot of the time, and work to change some of those things within myself. I'm keeping specifics vague here on purpose, but really, it's an all-encompassing goal of finding ways to be more spontaneous and go-with-the-flow than I am now, and that is very difficult for me. There are some things that are hard-wired into my personality that I don't think I will ever be able to "fix" (and many others that I don't think need to be fixed, despite what some people may think). 

As an aside I'm also (still) of the mindset that most therapy is useless and cannot fix the circumstantial problems that cause things like depression or anxiety or lack of life fulfillment. Yes, for some people, it is a genuine chemical imbalance, a real health issue. For me, I do not think it is, at all. To me, the whole "if you can't change your situation, change your perspective" thing is meaningless and highly situational, because I fully realize that I have a pretty good life. That doesn't get rid of the things that cause me stress, anxiety, or make me feel unfulfilled. Only outside forces can fix those things, and for someone like me, medication(s) would simply be a band-aid. I don't want a band-aid, I want real world solutions (i.e., never needing to work a job again, being able to be in control of my actual life, being able to sleep as little or as much as I want, and/or never needing to care about anything money-related would completely solve about 95% of my issues/problems, both physical and mental). I want the world I was promised by politicians, advertisements, educators, and the media. I don't want the false perception of a "changed perspective," I want everything to be better in reality. 

10. Be a better husband and partner.

Look, a lot of you are probably like "but Brandon, you and Daisy seem to have the perfect relationship!" and for the most part, you'd be right -- my marriage and relationship with Daisy is a very, very strong one. But it's not perfect, it is nowhere close. Truth be told, there are many things I can improve on, from interpersonal communications to intimacy (I won't go into detail there). I am not the easiest person to be married to, nor am I the easiest person to be in a relationship with. I have a lot of little improvements that can be made in all arenas that would create reverberating changes throughout the entirety of our relationship. I'm working on them. It's not an easy process. 

11. Only write here when necessary.

The Isolation Diaries posts have finished (more on that soon). I'm not forcing myself to write here every day anymore. I need some rest and some breathing space, and some time to work on the novel(s) I have rattling around in my brain. As such, you'll likely only see a small handful of posts here for the next year or so until I can sort everything out. 

12. Find a form of passive income. Actual passive income.

Pretty self-explanatory here, really. Anything I can do as a steppingstone to get away from my day (read: overnight) job and towards independence -- both financial and spiritual -- would be very good here. I cannot tell you how much I want to be unemployed. I cannot tell you how much I just want to live my life without being confined to a work schedule. I am so very tired of my time and energy being signed away wholesale just to be able to pay bills and eat food. 

13. Get a car.

Note: I will (probably) never get a car. That's why I have to keep re-adding it to the list every year. 

14. Be present.

This sort of goes hand in hand with some of the other resolutions above, but some special clarification has to be said and some active thought time devoted to this. So much of my life is spent just going through motions without being all there mentally. I've noticed it a lot at work recently, but it also happens in a lot of time otherwise -- I'm just mentally off the clock, off in my own headspace, quite a bit these days. 

15. At the same time, embrace "me time" more fully.

I have a lot of trouble balancing how to be a good/better partner and husband, how to be more mentally present, how to work on my own mental issues, and how to actually take some time for myself, because it frequently feels that I don't have enough time or energy to do all of these things at once -- and one or more (or all) of them end up being neglected or completely dropped because I just don't have the space for it. It's like the spoons analogy -- only have so many spoons in a given day/week. When I get the chance for "me time" it is usually short and fleeting -- an hour or two to read some comics, or play a game on the PC or PS4 -- before I have something else, or a list of something elses, to do. Sometimes my "me time" is stolen from me by the need to sleep, or a crisis that pops up out of my control. So, as my last resolution this year, my goal is to wrest some of that control back.

Finally, all, here's a list of criticisms I've been given over the past several years that I will once more not be addressing or changing at all in the coming year:

1. "Be more approachable." No. Fuck yourselves. I'll approach you if you're needed. Otherwise leave me alone, I have too many responsibilities as it is now and I'm not taking on yours too (this is more of a work thing than anything else). 

2. "You need social interaction; get out and go do things more." Also no. Spiritually, the pandemic has been one of the greatest things to happen to my psyche, because it means I have no more social obligations. I do not want to leave my home. I do not have to leave my home, for work or socialization or otherwise. I like having groceries and food delivered to me. My wife, the cats, the internet and my electronics, and my furniture are all I need to be happy.

3. "Be less narcissistic." Nope. I'm always going to be #1. Daisy is my world, but everything aside from her is all about me. Always has been, always will be. This doesn't mean I'm callous and lack compassion or empathy, because I don't -- Daisy always says that one of my greatest strengths is that I have an incredibly kind and giving heart and soul, and I do -- most people who know me would say that as well. This just means that I'm taking care of me and her, me and mine before anyone else gets a cut of my time or mental energy.

So, there you have it, folks. Happy 2022.