Countdown to fall semester: seventeen days
The "Call for Assistance" I placed both here and on Facebook last night (in note form) has generated several responses thus far -- and at least one order from my Amazon Wish List -- from friends who are willing to lend me a hand in getting back onto my figurative feet, and I can't thank them enough for their generosity, really.
As you folks probably already know, I'm in a tight spot financially right now and have been for a while, and most of you know that I really don't like begging for help from people -- I'm almost 30, and should be totally financially independent enough at this age to where I can afford to replace a futon, lawn mower, or blender without any issues or major blows to the budget. When one works in academia, however, any notions one has of not being poor will fall to the wayside, and unless you're independently wealthy (or your parents are) or you take student loans to live on, you'll be eating ramen noodles or dry cereal for dinner every night with the lights off and no TV, to save electricity. It's even worse in the summer, as you'll have no income for three months unless you get a summer side job or decide to teach summer sessions as well.
Luckily, for me, I got notice yesterday that the first half of my one student loan I took for this year will be disbursed to the school around the 13th, and of course then to me personally shortly thereafter. That doesn't help me now, of course, but it does mean that I'll be a little bit better off afterwards. More than $1k of that has to be spent immediately, however, as I'll have to write the former girlfriend a $750 check to make up for the deposits on this place that she paid over two years ago, I'll have to figure out what we're doing with the cable account, and I'll need to get my car worked on. I'll also have to try to round up whatever I can afford that remains on that list of necessary items, as well. One of the things that sucks about being in a dire need for money is that, depending on how dire the need is, once you get said money and use it, you're usually back to square one again.
My parents -- my mother, especially -- has asked me what she can do do help me out. Until now, it wasn't much, but this morning I sent the link to my Wish List to both my parents, telling them that even if they didn't get the stuff through Amazon (my mother in particular has an aversion to buying things online), it's a good list full of things that I need that, if they wanted to, they could get me cheaper at other places and mail them to me themselves. I also mentioned that as much as they wanted to be able to see me this summer but were unable to, they could use the money they would've spent on a plane ticket and at least have it go to a good cause. Whether they'll get me any of it or remains to be seen.
On the completely opposite spectrum of my friends who have been totally supportive throughout the breakup process and have been willing to give me a hand, there remains a curious large number of folks -- either solely my friends or people who are mutual friends with the former girlfriend -- who have been totally silent about the situation. Even more intriguing than that is the list of people who I was socially active with on a regular basis (again, from both groups of friends) who, as soon as the two of us broke up, stopped talking to me completely or have since given me a sort of "cold shoulder" in the sense that they only want to interact with me when absolutely necessary, if at all.
I'm not sure I get it, really.
It could be just coincidence, of course -- other people have social lives, and many of those who we go to school with are still not back in Wichita yet -- but still, almost all of them use Facebook. I see these people online every day, posting updates, photos, links, etc. Yet, to a lot of them, it's as if I no longer exist. I've not exactly made it a secret that the former girlfriend and I are no longer seeing each other, either. Mind you, these are people who I have no beef with, and who should have no beef with me. Some of them I outright expected to be ecstatic that the two of us broke up, yet...nothing. Like I said, it's possible this is coincidence, or fear and paranoia on my part, but it's just odd. Maybe they don't want to offend me or offend the former girlfriend with their comments, who knows. There could be any number of reasons, including absolute apathy. But it's not like I wouldn't notice once school starts if half of my friends are no longer speaking to me.
If that happens, I'm already halfway a hermit -- perhaps I should just enter full hermitude. Whatever works, you know? I'm at that school, in that program, to do my coursework and teach my classes, not to impress anyone. I've said before, many times, that my life is a drama-free zone. I do not intend for that to change; pretty sure that the whole "newly single and independent" thing is going to be scary enough, in its time.
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