Ghost Town

Spring semester: day thirty-three

Because of AWP happening this week, the vast majority of my friends and colleagues are in Chicago right now attending the conference. This means that the English department very quickly became a veritable ghost town after Tuesday morning or so. Of the more than thirty of us GTAs in the department, I've seen less than ten of us left up there this week. Everyone else is gone, including at least a few professors and other faculty members. Campus itself, even, has been really quiet this week -- which is unusual as the weather here has been absolutely gorgeous for the most part. Today it hit 70, for example, without a cloud in the sky. It's just been strange, though, to see the campus mostly deserted at most times for the past few days.

How do I know it's "mostly deserted"? Well, due to my sheer exhaustion and sleep deprivation, I've had a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning this week. As in, harder than most days. I've been pushing myself to get stuff done, important stuff not only in my classes and for my students but personal stuff as well, and while all of these things are good, the downside is that I'm burning the candle at both ends -- which, if you know the old adage, means I'm burning twice as bright for half as long. I know it's been mostly deserted because I've been getting out of bed around an hour later than I normally would (dragging myself out of bed would be a more apt description), arriving on campus a half hour or more after I normally would, and I've still been able to get my normal front-row parking spot every day. During any average week this would never, ever happen. So yeah, I don't know what's going on, really, aside from AWP. Which is really just a conference for writers, not everyone.

As an aside, next year AWP is in Boston. As it will be my last year as a graduate student (and will occur during the semester in which I'll graduate), I do finally plan to go -- even if I'm not presenting anything or doing anything but working for the school's literary journal. I wish I had the money and time to travel to a conference this year, but I just don't. If nothing else, I do have some friends (several, actually) in and around the Boston area who would probably let me have a couch to crash on in order to save the money on a hotel room during said conference. Or, y'know, something like that. Whatever works. That's a year away, so it's not like I can think about it too much right now. I've got enough other planning to do in this next year or so.

In other news, the Monte Carlo is running really well. Like, really well. The serpentine belt and belt tensioner must have been going bad for a long, long time, because the car's been driving like it's new since I got it fixed last week, and seems to be getting a little better gas mileage as well. The car is, for all intents and purposes, much more responsive when it comes to driving it -- the steering is so much looser and more free, the engine is much quicker on the get-up-and-go factor, and the replacement of those parts also now allow the car to get warmer much more quickly -- as in, I don't have to warm up the engine for five minutes or so on cold mornings (or wait for her to hopefully defog/defrost completely by the time I get to Wichita). I turn her on, and the heater blows hot within about 30 seconds if I need it to. All of these are very good things. Once I get my tax refunds, I'm going to spend a fair amount of that money (read: most of it) to get the rest of the problems on that car fixed. I get the feeling I'll be doing a lot of driving in that car over the course of the next year or so.

In addition, those taxes have been completely done and have been mailed off to the IRS as well as the state of Kansas. Altogether I should be getting back around $1200, give or take. This is slightly more than last year, but I also made just slightly more money this year. I slacked off on finishing them for a very long time, but on Monday afternoon I sat down and completed them just so I could get them in the mail and figuratively wash my hands of them. For the first time, I opted for the "direct deposit" option on the federal taxes, to save me time and possibly to get them in the bank before I fly to West Virginia over spring break. I know there's not a lot of time between now and then, but I can at least hope. Can't use a lot of it there anyway since I'm going to be fixing up the car with most of it, but it would be nice to be able to do a little shopping back home, or buy dinner for my parents and/or Andrea once or twice.

The state taxes will still come to me in a check, however, and I can't do anything about that. Kansas mailed me a paper copy of their tax forms, and I just filled them out/stuck them in the mail. If I remember correctly, last year I filed the state taxes online, and they charged me $5 or something to do it. A forever stamp is cheaper. Seriously. So that, of course, I will still have to wait for and will still have to cash at Walmart, more than likely, since my bank account is back home. No biggie.

Still, finishing my taxes meant I could update and renew my FAFSA, which I did as well. All of my finances are now in order, at least according to the government. And I get paid tomorrow, too.

This week has been strange not only because of the "ghost town" scenario but because it's been relatively light in terms of work. As I mentioned before, all of my classes this week were canceled because of AWP. My time on campus was spent teaching my own students (a workshop day on Tuesday, and then collecting their papers/giving them a very short lecture and handouts today. Aside from that? All I had was office hours, my hour in the writing center, and my last visit with our visiting poet -- who also went to AWP shortly thereafter. I will and already do have my usual barrage of homework and/or other stuff to do this weekend, and will begin grading those papers soon, but other than that I'm just going to try to relax and catch up on sleep.

What else has been happening in my life? Well, I also completed the fellowship application for the department. It is due tomorrow, but I finished it and turned it in on Tuesday. Now, folks, I wait. We all wait, actually.

I don't think I'll win, of course. I really don't. I'm pretty sure I already know who's going to win, and I know at least one (if not both of them) read this blog on a regular basis, so I'll keep their names to myself. However, if my hunches are correct and they do win, they definitely deserve the awards. Generally speaking, everyone who gets the fellowships deserve them. They're usually the best students, and amongst the best -- if not the absolute best -- writers in the department. Because of this, if I were to receive the fellowship I would simply call it luck, or a fluke, because while I am a damned good student, my poetry I've always said is mediocre at best. Yes, occasionally I write something good, or at times write something really good, but those pieces are spread amongst my other works, and my inspiration is at times fleeting at best (though I've not really been having a problem with it this semester). I fully admit that there are other poets applying for it who deserve it more than I do, and I would be really humbled and possibly a little embarrassed if I did win it. But still, it would be nice. It would at least show me that maybe I've done something worthwhile in grad school, rather than just tread water and hope for the best.

So that was my week. Tonight I will more than likely stay up a little later than usual, but that's because I passed out for several hours this afternoon after I got home. I don't plan to wake up tomorrow before noon if I can possibly help it. I need the sleep.