The Day I Met Chuck Palahniuk

Fall semester: day thirty-eight

Yesterday...well, yesterday was an interesting day, to say the least.

Look, my emotional state and my sense of well-being has been all over the map over the course of the past week or so. I've dealt with death, an eye injury, the ramping-up of the semester leading into midterms (tomorrow is the official "midterm date," apparently), and the impending start of my evening 210 class on Thursday. I do have more to write on that subject, of course, but first comes the big news.

Yesterday afternoon I attended an hour-long Q&A session with famous author Chuck Palahniuk. The Q&A session was attended by many current GTAs, some in their first year, some of them getting ready to graduate. Several of us there had graduated already, or were otherwise adjuncts or no longer GTAs. Those of us in the loop knew of Chuck's visit to town about a month ago, including myself, though we kept it rather hush-hush (for obvious reasons).  As a result, there were less than fifteen of us there, with only two or three of us -- including myself -- who were actual faculty. None of the tenured faculty or other instructors were there. I later found that the meetup was supposed to be for the current GTAs (though it was open to basically anyone) in the English department, though as it was set up by the EGSA (English Graduate Student Association), technically higher-up instructors weren't allowed to be there because they're not supposed to be at EGSA events. But, again, it's not like this was some sort of formal EGSA meeting or anything. Actually, I was really surprised that some of my friends and colleagues who were really interested in the Q&A weren't there, though some of them had good reasons -- Parker, for example, is behind on his grading and is stressed out over his comps and thesis.

So, anyway. Cutting to the point. There were about fifteen of us there total, around a big set of rectangular tables in the downstairs boardroom. It was actually a rather intimate room for a sit-down session with the man -- I was expecting a lecture-hall format or something like that. Instead, due to sheer luck of where all of us sat down at the tables, I sat three feet from Chuck Palahniuk for the entirety of the Q&A session.

When he came in, he was introduced by not only our EGSA leader but by the lady who runs the local bookstore who was sponsoring/in charge of this stop on his tour -- he's on a reading tour, the "Adult Bedtime Stories" tour, in support of his new book, Doomed. The Q&A for us was good because, unlike most campus-related events, the actual reading tour event was not free to the public; tickets were $25 each and included a signed copy of the new book in the price. We got in there, and once he was introduced, his publicist was there with him and announced that because this was a special event and we were all here to talk with Chuck, all of us in attendance at the Q&A would receive free admission to the reading event (we'd be put "on the list," so to speak) and we'd receive a free signed copy of the book there at the Q&A. Chuck signed mine in front of me and handed it to me. Which, let me tell you, was not only super-nice and generous, but surprised the shit out of all of us.

As for the Q&A itself, it was really good. He was so soft-spoken, scientific in his responses, and incredibly receptive to all of our questions. I got to ask him questions about the graphic novel sequel to Fight Club, which he announced at Comic-Con this summer, and asked him about his arrangements with Playboy publishing his short stories and excerpts from his novels and how that came about. Others asked him about his writing process, if he thinks he has a responsibility to live up to his audience's expectations or wants, his stories and experiences while touring, etc. It was one of the most interesting events I've ever been a part of, and certainly the most fascinating experience I've had as a writer since I've been at the university. While a lot of people outside the realm of writing, popular fiction, and pop culture probably don't really know who Palahniuk is aside from "oh, he wrote Fight Club?" ...well, for those of us who are writers and are otherwise fans of the man's work, this is the equivalent of meeting a movie star or one of the Beatles or something along those lines, and it was extremely hard not to bow down to him and thank him for reinvigorating my love of writing. Palahniuk, along with other "cult following" contemporary writers like T.C. Boyle (and to a lesser extent, Don DeLillo), are really the reason I decided to continue to write, to continue to follow that path. I've read so much of Palahniuk and Boyle's work that my writing style, when I try to write fiction (read: very rarely) tends to emulate one or the other subconsciously. Of those influences, I've always cited Palahniuk as my largest one. He's the writer I've always wished I could be.

Part of why he was able to do the Q&A with us this afternoon (aside from a large amount of finagling from the head of the EGSA) was because his tour -- which I linked to above -- started tonight, here in Wichita. Why he'd want to start his tour in Wichita of all places is beyond me; I'm surprised nobody asked that question, actually. This probably afforded him a bit more time than he'd normally have before other tour stops to actually talk to people like us.

When the Q&A session ended, I stuck around for a few minutes, along with the head of the EGSA, and had a nice, quiet conversation with him about the perceived death of the printed book, working in academia, and the job market for writers and professors before he had to go. It was really cool, actually. I'm surprised I didn't stutter or become super-nervous throughout it -- he is, obviously, the most famous person I've ever met and had a conversation with, that's for damn sure.

As for the actual reading that I'd basically been given a free "backstage pass" sort of access to attend, I didn't go to it because I have to teach this morning. I told those who were going that if they wanted to use my name (because I was on the list, but it's not like Chuck or the promoters knew who I was) to let their significant other go with them, or to let someone who wasn't able to make it to the Q&A go, to do so and go in my stead. I was really tired and my eye was bothering me (fatigue), which didn't necessarily make me want to attend the event even though I was already there and on campus for it. The reading was at 7, I think. I was home and in bed, asleep, by 4:30. It was enough for me to meet him and get to talk to him in private conversation after the Q&A; the story he said he was reading tonight appears in Playboy next month, which means I'll get to read it anyway. I subscribe, of course. Just renewed my subscription a few weeks ago, actually.

So...yeah. Damn, what an experience.

I stuck around the department for a little bit before going home, as mentioned before. I talked to the Director this morning about my student who had a first-eight-weeks final exam before or during my first Thursday night class, and discussed my options. If there's one student in that situation, there's bound to be more, and I'm not going to ask students to skip a final in order to attend my class (that would be a huge dick move) nor would I ask them to come to a three-hour class directly after they take one or more finals that day -- they'll be frazzled and burnt-out anyway, and I'd be in there trying to cover a syllabus, a workbook, and their first assignment all in one session because of fall break canceling our class for another week.

"If I have a handful of students dealing with their first eight week classes' finals," I told the Director, "or even midterm exams that are 'big deal' events, I have a contingency plan -- they're going to have to turn in their first papers, the email assignment, on the next class anyway, so about all I can do in class on Thursday night anyway is cover what needs to be covered and then give them that assignment. If I have to, I can do that via Blackboard if I have to cancel class, and then allow them to rewrite the email assignment by the next class if they do poorly on it, I suppose."

"You're in a tight situation here," the Director said. "But that's probably a good idea if it comes to that. The problem with the 210 class, as with a lot of other classes in the department, is that it's back-heavy. They're going to be doing a lot of work over a very short timeframe, since the big assignments come during the second half of the class. That's even more of a problem in an eight-week course."

"Oh, I know," I replied. "I have 22 students enrolled right now. I doubt I'll have half that many by the end of the semester. The workload will crush a lot of them."

Added to that, many of the students appear to be non-traditional students, as I've looked down my detailed roster (which lists birthdates and dates of enrollment, etc). Non-traditional students generally tend to have less time to do work in classes like this, as they have jobs, families, etc. The class curriculum is rather strict, just like a real business environment would be. Because it's a much shorter class, the absence policy is twice as strict, and the workload is doubled. These students will either rise to the occasion, or they'll drop the course/fail it. It is absolutely inevitable that I'll lose some of them one way or another. I've already had some adding/dropping the class leading up to this point in the semester, so who knows how stable my roster will even be between now and the end of the semester.

So, we'll see what happens. If I have more than a few students who have exams or other issues for Thursday night, I'll more than likely cancel the class's first day and reconvene on the 17th. I'm so tired and burnt-out by the semester thus far that I actually hope this happens. Staying on West campus all day on Thursday, right before fall break starts, is going to feel like imprisonment, or like I'm sitting in purgatory. I'll have some work to do, yes, but it's not enough stuff to do to occupy me for nine hours before that class starts in the evening. Not on the first day, anyway. I'm in a sort of lull right now when it comes to student work -- I'm giving my other classes the fall break to finish up their papers, so it's not like I have grading to do. I'll have my 011 students' journals to go through, but it's not like I'm going to lug those to West campus with me on Thursday -- especially not as I'll be returning the 101 students' journals that day as well, and will already have to lug those back in.

Make no mistake -- this is a long week. I will come home this morning after teaching not only with a large bag full of journals, but with four workshop copies to edit through as well. I need to mow the grass (yes, still), as the weather's nice, but that's going to depend heavily on my energy levels and my ability to do anything aside from student work. While my allergies haven't been that bad over the past few days, upon getting up in the overnight hours tonight, they've made me miserable. Combined with an eye that's still blurry and a general malaise about the semester as a whole, not to mention the slowly-waning grief over my sister, this is another one of those weeks where I just have to keep my head down and run through it like a charging bull, because if I don't, I won't have the motivation to actually go about my tasks.

All I want to do, really, is hole up in my house and sleep. A lot. Sleep for days. And yet, that is the one thing I cannot do. I can't get my eye to heal any faster than it's actually doing (which, again, I can't tell if it's actually healing or not, since my vision doesn't really get better or worse), and it's driving me absolutely nuts. I just want to see normally again, and when I'm tired/fatigued, said vision is that much blurrier. Some days it seems like I can see a little more clearly out of it, and then I get tired and/or actually sleep, and wake up with it "reset" to what it was the night it happened. No pain or anything, though, unless I get really fatigued, which makes both eyes ache because my body screams at me to go back to bed when I can't. I slept nine hours last night, and I'm still incredibly tired now. It's as if no matter how much or how little rest I get, it's never enough. I'm not having trouble sleeping anymore, but from this point through December it's going to be more about finding time to actually do it which will work into my hectic schedule, a schedule that will basically triple my time outside the house every week because of that night class. Today is the last Tuesday where I'll be home before 11AM until finals week, and that thought alone fills me with fatigue.

On the plus side, I was told yesterday morning that unless enrollment takes a massive plunge in the spring (something that isn't expected to happen at all), I'm already set up to keep teaching at the university again starting in January. Unless something happens between now and then, and/or I find more work or a better opportunity sometime in the next two months or so, that will more than likely be what happens. Obviously, Daisy and I aren't exactly huge fans of this prospect, but it will keep me financially stable and paying the bills, biding time and surviving until the wedding. As for past spring, and after the wedding? Who knows. Everything right now is pretty much up in the air. It's stressful enough just to keep my head above water as it is. I still have to request deferment on my student loans, or at the very least change the payback schedule to the least amount possible, so that I can survive once they start coming due around Thanksgiving.

On the plus side, I get paid on Friday. That will allow me to breathe a little easier, as most of the money from my last paycheck went to bills and to the shopping I did when Daisy was here last week. I don't really need to go shopping again soon, since I have plenty of food and commodities around the house, but I am ever-so-desperately just gunning for that break that's coming up. I just want the time off.