"I didn't get you anything for our anniversary," Daisy told me a few nights ago.
"I didn't expect you to," I replied. "We're on vacation, we're spending time together, I got us the canvas thing, we're going to have a good dinner...all of that is enough, you don't need to do anything for me."
A few weeks ago, for Mother's Day, I found a website that would let you print any photo on a framed canvas. You know what I mean, I'm sure -- like those square canvases that wrap around a premade wood frame that you can hang on the wall. I printed up a photo of the two of us (one of the shots we took last fall but did not use for our Christmas card -- same session, though) on something like an 18x24" canvas and sent it to my mother so that she could hang a large, nice photo of us on the wall of the house. I told Daisy about this because I wanted to know whether she wanted me to do it for her parents too -- Daisy has made canvases for them before (two hi-def canvasses of their cats was a Christmas present we got them a few years ago). She declined, and we ended up doing other things for Mom for Mother's Day.
What I did not tell Daisy was that, at the same time I made the canvas for my mother I also made one for her/us -- a giant 24x36" with a photo of us kissing on our wedding day on it. It turned out really nicely. On the day it arrived, as it was wrapped on a giant wooden frame, it was too big to hide -- so I just put it across the headboard of our bed and forgot about it.
That was like, three weeks or so ago. She came home that night from work and I'd forgotten it had arrived and that I'd put it up (when you work overnights, and don't sleep a lot, things tend to sort of slip your mind), so it wasn't until she mentioned it to me and thanked me for it that I remembered. I told her we could put it anywhere she wanted -- we have many a visible wall in the house that would benefit from a giant canvas of us -- but eventually we just decided to keep it where it was above the bed.
I mean, it does look really good there.
The last eight years married to Daisy have been a wild ride. And I say that with love, meaning it in the best possible way. It's not always been easy, of course. We fight, we argue over stupid shit sometimes. We don't always agree. We are individual people with thoughts, feelings, and opinions of our own that don't always mesh well together. But our fights and arguments are always rare and appropriate, and all of the good times far, far outweigh the bad by leaps and bounds.
Our relationship, and our marriage, is built on mutual trust, open and honest communication, and a very deep love for one another. I want you to read that again and really comprehend it, especially if you are married yourself: mutual trust, open and honest communication, and a very deep love for one another. There are no secrets Daisy and I keep from one another. If one of us has a problem, we talk it out. We may not see eye to eye on it, but we talk it out. There's nothing I couldn't tell her and at this point, likely not much she doesn't know about me already. I trust her completely. I know she trusts me completely. She knows she can talk about anything and everything with me and if she ever has a concern or a fear or a problem, I'm always going to be there to help.
On that same token, I'm not going to say that our relationship is the same as it was in 2014 when we got married, nor will I say that it's the same as it was in 2012 when we fell in love. We've grown and changed together in all of those years, both as individuals and as partners. That likely sounds cliched, but it's true. Healthy relationships evolve and change, they roll with the punches (metaphorically of course). Healthy relationships are like trees -- what you see above ground in leaves and branches extends just as far below ground in the root structure. We are not the perfect couple, even though we've had several mutual friends tell us that we are their favorite couple. I do not think any couple can be perfect. True perfection will always be unobtainable. But, we can and do strive to be as good as we can for one another, and that goes a long way.
I've been on vacation for the last six days; Daisy has been off for four (Memorial Day weekend, plus our anniversary, allowed us to both take some time off, with an excuse). We've spent each of those days focused on doing things for, and with, one another -- just enjoying our time together. We did not do everything we'd originally planned or wanted to do, and that's okay. As much as I like it, not everything has to be about structure and metered time. We accomplished a great many things though, spending as much time together as possible, and spent our actual anniversary hiking through the Iowa wilderness.
I love this woman so very deeply, with everything I have.
Here's to many more anniversaries.
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