My paranoia, stress, and worrying has reached a fever pitch, to the point where I am constantly restless and irritable. I just want my money, and I don't know why it's taking so long or what's holding it up. It's so incredibly mentally taxing to worry about one's well-being and financial stability so constantly. But, the truth is, the money should've been disbursed to me almost a week ago now, and it's not even showing up on my student account at the school. Oh, sure, it has the "expected amount" listed, but it still says $0.00 under the "paid to date" place.
The lady at the financial aid office told me on the phone, when she called a month ago, that I was "good to go," and that nothing would interrupt my normal aid disbursement, enrollment, or GTA position. Yet, four days after the money should have cleared my bank and be in my proverbial hands, it's not even showing up on my student account.
Slightly panicky, I googled for news on "student loan delays," and came up with nothing. I also googled "student loan disbursement dates," which brought up a big list of pages for all sorts of colleges around the states on when those loans will be disbursed to said schools. All of these schools had different dates, but many (read: the majority of the ones I found) said January 22nd. January 22nd is Tuesday, the first day of classes for me. Hm. That's interesting. That would be a full week after I was expecting them to drop into my account, and many schools have already started up (WVU started this past week, even). I wonder if Flat State University never updated their expected disbursement date info, or it changed somehow over the past few weeks, and it actually is supposed to be January 22 for most universities, including mine. After reading many of these calendars for other schools, I began to relax a bit, but only a bit. After all, it's not like I'm going to starve or be homeless anytime soon; I do have enough money to pay the bills that come in and pay the rent between now and my first paycheck...but that's about it, really. After that, I'm out of money until I get that first paycheck of the spring. This is, of course, if the loans are delayed any more than they already have been. Seeing the date of the 22nd on all of those other school websites also stopped me dead in my tracks before I would've sent an email off to the lady in the financial aid office who dealt with my account; after all, they wouldn't receive said email until the 22nd anyway, as they're off the 21st just like the rest of us for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. And, unless something drops in the next 24 hours, nothing's going to change in my bank account until the 22nd or after anyway -- both Sunday and Monday the banks are closed.
Instead, I have cooled my jets and have decided to just...well, wait some more. It's all I can do. Again, as I've said, this sort of stuff is out of my control; being "proactive" does little more than spin my wheels in place. If nothing happens on Tuesday the 22nd or Wednesday the 23rd (read: I'll be off that day, and Daisy will more than likely stay here until then), only then will I send an email saying something along the lines of "Uhh, so, is there something wrong with my loans? 'Cause I haven't gotten them yet."
More eloquently worded than that, of course.
But, again, that's a last-ditch-effort sort of thing. As I mentioned before, I seem to recall the same thing happening either last spring or the spring before, where I started classes and my money didn't drop until that week. It sounds familiar, but again, I can't completely remember. My mind is foggy on the specifics, yet my mind is still clear enough to recite every lyric from every song in The Rocky Horror Picture Show and every line of dialogue in any of the Star Wars, Ghostbusters, or Back to the Future movies. It's funny what the brain chooses to remember, isn't it? Still, as stressed and/or worried as I am, I'm also equally not stressed/worried about it. That's hard to explain, I know, but anxiety is like that sometimes. It comes and goes, ebbs and flows.
Regardless, there's nothing that can be done now until at least next week, so I return to waiting. I told Daisy that because of this, I really don't have a lot in the house to eat, so it's going to be a relatively light weekend of foodstuffs. She's coming down early tomorrow, and will be staying probably until Wednesday, I'm guessing, as mentioned above. I told her there was no hurry for her to leave to go back up to Omaha; I'll only be out of the house for about seven hours on Tuesday morning/early afternoon, most of which she'll probably be asleep. If she's not, well, I do have the Firefly Blu-ray set, and if she thinks she's getting out of watching that while she's here...hahahah. Also, I have Wednesday off, so there's no reason for her to make an in-and-out quick visit. We'll probably get some food from Dillon's or Walmart while she's here, but more than likely only enough to feed us until my money comes in. She asked if I wanted her to cook or bake anything to bring with her, and I told her she didn't have to. Just having her here is enough for me. I know she'll bring a few things anyhow; I did ask her to bring down a bag of Veggie Straws, a snack food she introduced me to when I was visiting her in Omaha, as I quickly became addicted to them during my visit. She may also bring down an (amazing) vegan pizza from her favorite pizza place up there, but I told her not to worry about it if she didn't want to or didn't have the money. She's poorer than I am right now.
Her response to having limited food available in the house when she's here, however?
"Waffles and cereal? Sounds good to me, babe."
I love that woman.
Speaking of waiting, my parents' box did not arrive today as scheduled. My parents mailed it on Monday, and the post office gave them the vague delivery date of "by Saturday." Well, today was Saturday, and no box. I don't even think the mailman came down my street today, actually, as I'd been watching for him since I got up this morning around 9. Oh well. Looks like it'll come in on Tuesday, then. No mail on Monday either. If it comes on Tuesday while I'm on campus teaching, Daisy will (more than likely) be here to get it, and I'll be home by around 1PM that day anyway. Still, it really pissed me off that it didn't arrive today; that box carries food and clothing that I really want to have in my possession, including (probably) my mother's famous chex mix and my favorite pair of pants. I even waited to eat today until I knew that the box wouldn't arrive (read: nightfall) because I wanted to eat some of the good stuff in the box instead of needing to eat what I have here in the house already, as budget cooking/eating gets old after a while. In an email to my mother this evening, I told her that if she wants to clean out her pantry (which is overflowing like she expects a nuclear holocaust to happen tomorrow) and send me anything that she doesn't need or want, or that my dad can't eat anymore, she can do so and I will happily eat it. She has to send a second box of stuff to me anyhow, as not everything could fit in the first one. I don't know if my parents realize that when they send me a "care package" sort of box of food and/or treats, they save me like $50 in groceries over the course of the time it takes me to consume that stuff. It's one of the major reasons why I look forward to them sending me things, and they don't do it very often -- maybe once or twice a year, and even less if I haven't visited beforehand.
Tomorrow morning, before Daisy arrives, I'm going to be cleaning the house and getting a shower, and I will more than likely eat something before she gets here so that I'm not hungry while we spend our time together. Tonight she's out visiting and being social with her former coworkers, all dolled up with her new red-hair-and-glasses look, and like the old man I am, I will quite possibly be in bed before she gets home. Yes, I am indeed an old man; this is my last Saturday night of real freedom before the semester starts, and what am I doing? Sitting at home and blogging -- while wearing longjohns, fuzzy socks, and a cardigan-style sweatshirt with a badly-drawn skull on it, I might add -- and plan to be in bed before midnight.
It's times like this where I tend to ask myself where in the hell did my life go so wrong?
At this point, most of my friends are back in Wichita, and I've spoken to several of them back and forth via Facebook messages. I am excited to see them next week -- yes, even antisocial, hermit-like Brandon is excited to see his friends -- even if the first week of classes is incredibly hectic. The winter break, up until these past two weeks, was also hectic on a scale previously unseen for me, what with all of my travel. It's been good to be able to relax, rest and recover over the past two weeks, but even I get a bit restless sometimes and want to interact with other people. Shocking, I know.
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